Learning to Be Comfy in My Own Skin*

The other day I was skimming through a magazine and I realized that for the first time I wasn't comparing myself to the models or idolizing the images. My next thought was to go look through the magazine again, in case I was actually sleeping while I was looking at all the pictures. But, I just thanked God for breaking the old perspective and allowing me to see through a new one.
I have always grown up looking at magazines. I loved just hanging out and skimming through them, reading articles and catching up on the latest trends. But this bred a huge insecurity in me. I wanted to be a model, all growing up because I wanted to be those girls on the cover of the magazine. I literally wanted to be that. Little did I know comparing myself to those computer fixed images would throw my entire self esteem off.
I realized in college how much I really did compare myself, and how bad looking at the magazines made me feel. I had an unrealistic expectation on myself to be perfect in the physical. I wanted my body to be super skinny with a thigh gap and I wanted to wear those specific clothes, I wanted other people to think I was beautiful because of what I looked like. Because I had this unrealistic expectation on myself, I unknowingly put that on other people. If other girls didn't look like the models in the magazines then they had work to do on their bodies too. I can be very judgmental and critical in my head.
God is uprooting the foundation of me wanting to be perfect in every aspect of my life but this was only part of the foundation he was breaking and replacing. This realization that I don't need to look like those magazine girls is so freeing! I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin even after having 2 babies and now growing baby number 3. In my other pregnancies I didn't look forward to my body stretching and changing but this pregnancy I can say that I am just letting it all hang out!!! My belly is already popping out with that little baby inside and I don't care what people think! I used to compare myself to other pregnant ladies and how far along they were and how big their bellies were. I am 12 weeks along and I am rockin' that beer belly pooch!!!
I was so afraid to have a 3rd baby because I wanted my body to change into a six pack with solid legs, not a big ol belly but now I see differently, my perspective has changed. God told me there is DESTINY inside me. This baby has an incredible destiny and who am I to be selfish and not let my body grow so that this next baby can change the world one day?

I really hope any women or young girls reading this will come to the conclusion that media does not have the final say on what beauty is. The media has literally ruined the word beauty and contorted it into something that is not attainable. It's all messed up! Every ad, every magazine, every commercial has been touched and re-touched and re-edited to look "perfect". Those models don't really look like that, there is no possible way for us women to look like the girls on the magazines unless we have some sort of disorder. It really is so hard to step out of the perspective and look at magazines differently. But, if you want a perspective shift, if you want to see yourself as beautiful, ask God to shift it! He will! He changed my perspective, he renewed my mind! I am 27 years old and I just started to see differently! Save yourself the insecurity and lies and ask God to change the way you see yourself and the women of this world!
Seriously, you are beautiful! But you have to believe it!!!!

here are some unrealistic covers, if you want to see a whole lot more just google "magazine covers photoshop"

Salt & Steel

I want to help get the word out about a new company. They are friends of mine who I got the privilege of working with at Hume Lake Christian Camps. Their hearts are gold and I am so proud of them for running with an idea God gave them. They have some seriously awesome looking clothes and an even better reason for selling them!

This is straight from their website saltandsteel.com

The Salt & Steel Collective is an action based clothing label that is driven by a group of creatives who are passionate about overcoming the monotony of living “the American dream”. The aim of our charge is to love well, as Christ has called each one of us to love. Therefore, each garment or accessory sold provides hope and restoration by tangibly meeting needs through partnering with and supporting non-profit work through the Capture Collective. (Capture exists to partner with and support existing gospel centered missions and non-profits. Through creative services, technical support, and networking every ministry both local and global will receive needed support and encouragement that will aid them in their given field. Through this support every ministry will proclaim the gospel and help create disciples world-wide. learn more at Capturecollective.org)

Result: when you purchase S&S clothing, you....

1. Provide fresh revenue streams for a collective of non profit organizations and individuals.

2. Convey a visual platform that supports existing non profits and individuals to be heard and seen: 

               A. Give support and long term growth to passionate non profits and individuals while partnering with and sharing their story through your personal investment.  

               B.You get a rockin' piece of apparel that actually stands for something that is happening right now. 

               C.Every time someone asks you what you are wearing, you have a golden opportunity to share the love with them.

So if you are looking for some new threads and want to help support non-profit companies that are changing the world, purchase from Salt & Steel!

Breathing Treatments*

Joshua has been congested since he has been 2 months old. We have been in and out of the Doctors office for the last 3 months. First, we all thought he had some sort of cold that would not go away, but the little guy was happy with no fever or any other symptoms except for congestion. With all the doctor visits, he ended up taking a total of 3 antibiotics and tried various prescriptions to help clear up his congestion. Poor little guy just wasn't getting any better. Our doctor referred us to a specialist, which was booked till February. Shelden and I knew that this was going to be something he was going to grow out of. We prayed for him and God gave us peace that this is not something serious and that he was going to be okay.
Well the last 5 days or so, he seemed to be getting worse. I am not sure if he picked up a slight cold but he was waking up in the middle of the night with coughing attacks and had a hard time breathing, especially while eating. I called our doctors office and left a message with the nurse to get back to me. She said she was concerned after hearing what was going on with him so we took him in for an appointment yesterday. She also called the specialist and got them to bump his appointment up for the next day.The nurses checked his vitals and the oxygen level in his blood was coming up really low. They put him on a breathing treatment to see if his oxygen level would go up and it didn't come up as high as they wanted it to so they sent us to the hospital. The doctor told us that his level was at the point where they start to talk about putting someone on an oxygen mask. That was a little scary to hear! We left the doctors office and dropped Micah off with his Nana, and picked up some things from home then went to the Emergency Room. We got their and it was packed with people. It was Joshua's turn to get checked in, get his ID bracelet and get his vitals checked again. We then both heard the nurse say the number 98. We looked at each other and said, "Wait! his oxygen level is at 98?" The doctor said yes. If your oxygen is measuring out in the 90's that means its normal. Joshua's oxygen level was back to normal!!! I believe it was from the breathing treatment back at the doctors office, it just needed more time to sit in his body and work. Shelden asked if we were okay to leave the Emergency Room, and the doctor said it was up to us. We both decided that since his specialist appointment got bumped up to the next morning that we didn't need to be there. I believe that the faithful prayers of our pastors, friends and family moved Joshua's oxygen levels back up!
I was so excited that God had healed our little guy in that very moment!

We went to the specialist today, and he told us that Joshua has a soft larynx. That means he can exhale normally but when he inhales his larynx collapses. This is why he has been sounding so congested every time he takes a breath. He also told us that the larynx has to mature and that could take up to his 2nd birthday before it is fully mature enough where it won't collapse anymore. He also said this is not common among babies. The specialist told us that we could go to the LA Children's Hospital to run more tests if we wanted to see if there was anything else going on with him, but if they were to come to the same conclusion of a soft larynx then there was nothing they could do. He suggested this because he did not have instruments small enough to put up his nose or down his throat since he is so small. But at the Children's Hospital they have 1mm scopes for infants. Shelden and I have decided that we won't be taking him to the Children's Hospital. We got a prescription for breathing treatments and bought a monitor that reads his oxygen levels.
This wasn't the answer I was expecting. Part of me wants to worry and keep him next to me all the time so I can make sure he is breathing right. I can't help but think about how his body isn't functioning right and it makes me cringe to know that part of his air way is collapsing while he inhales. But God is so good, he has brought him through the first 5 months of his life, I believe he will bring him through to the next 5 months and the next 5 years of his life. It truly is humbling that I cannot control my son's health. I can't make him any better, its all in God's hands. Literally every breath that he takes, is in God's control.

If you would like we are asking that our family and friends pray for a rapid strengthening of Joshua's larynx. I believe my God can heal anyone of anything! There has been quite a few stories of healing within our church and I want Joshua to be part of it. Thanks for being a part of Joshua's story and praying for him!

Mommy Life*

Life has been crazy since little Joshua has made his debut! But its all good stuff that is going on in our lives. I have been wanting to blog but taking care of two little guys has kept me busy. And our computer has taken a turn for the worse :( Micah thought it was funny to pop up keys from the keyboard so currently I am missing my ENTER button, my SHIFT button and my up direction button, my < button is about to fall off. We wish we could afford a Macbook or something along those lines, especially because Shelden and I could sync our calendars together and when I do an update I won't lose ALL my contacts, pictures and videos!
Anywhoooo....
I still can't believe that I am raising two little baby boys that are mine. Shelden and I look at each other when both of them are crying and say "welcome to reality". Even though some days truly suck, yes I am serious, sometimes those days include two fussy-for-no-reason boys mixed with a messy house, nothing out thawing for dinner, and a minimum wage check.  Yet, I love this life that God has blessed us with. I really would not trade it for anything. I do have to be honest, right after Joshua was born there were a couple of events we were invited to but had to leave early or not go because of the little guys and I was feeling a little jealous of the "no-kids life". I just wanted to do what I wanted to do and not have to worry about when baby's next feeding was. In the midst of me trying to figure out what my role is in raising my sons, my mom bought me a book. It's called "Be the Mom" by Tracey Lanter Eyster. It is a Focus on the Family book. It seriously is so good. It has helped me identify, what the author calls "mom traps" so that I can raise my boys without getting caught up in my selfishness. It has made it very clear that it is my job as a mom to raise these boys for greatness and that starts by my attitude. I need to keep myself in check before keeping them in check. They will imitate my attitude, my behavior, my reactions to situations, my relationship with Jesus and how I love others. WoW! that is quite an important job just those few things. The only way that I will be able to do those things well is to put God first, to know his Word by reading it everyday and to know him by praying and talking to him everyday. That is so foundational. If I don't have a relationship with God then I don't have anything. And that is the truth! I'm preaching to myself right now!
I can't do anything right without God. And that's straight from scripture! "Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Micah is 1 1/2 years old now and is learning about 2 new words every week. Its so cute when he says new words, it will literally be at a random time when we are hanging out and playing. I'll say a word to him over and over again and try to have him say it and he just keeps doing what he is doing. Then the next day we are watching Dora, his new favorite show, and he will randomly blurt out the word I was teaching him the day before. I love that little munchkin! He evens says, Josh...too cute! He loves his brother, he is always giving Joshie hugs and resting his head on him even though it squishes the little guy. It will make Joshua tough ;)
Joshua will be 3 months on the 1st of November. He is wearing 6 month clothing....can anyone say "Big Boy!" He is very strong and loves to talk to people. He coos all the time and smiles at anyone who talks to him. He will even talk to his brother when Micah is in his face and hugging him...I think this is a great start to their close relationship!

Times can get crazy at home and my patience can run low but that is why I have to pray in every moment. God is faithful to help me calm down in the moment and expand my capacity to give more grace. I do love my life and I want to live it to the full. I don't just want to go through life, I want to thrive.
If you are a mommy, whether you stay home or not you should totally grab this book! It is super practical and the author is honest about her life.

Finally*

Joshua Anthony Flowers is finally here!!! And I actually have a minute to blog about it...this is a rare moment! Joshua was born on August 1st at 12:49am. He was 8lbs 15oz and 21 3/4 inches long. He has chubby little cheeks and long toes, he is beautiful and I still can't believe we have two little guys!

Tuesday, July 31st, I went into the doctors for a checkup and I was 4 1/2cm dilated, I was hoping she would tell me to go straight to the hospital because the baby was coming but she just said that when I felt the contractions to go straight to the hospital because he was going to come quick. So we went home and texted a friend. She said that I should do some squats...so Shelden made me do a bunch of squats! We were sitting at the table talking and laughing about how I wanted a Mcflurry from Mcdonalds and then I felt my water break. I was like uhhhh.....I think that was my water!!! I was super excited and nervous because that means I was going to have this baby. We went to the hospital and they confirmed that it was my water. I was admitted into a room and we just sat and waited for consistent contractions to come. We sat there for 6 hours, walking around the maternity floor, doing more squats and watching the Olympics. Finally the doctor came in and said my water probably didn't break all the way. So he broke my water....then it was on!!! My contractions came on pretty quick after that and they came on strong! I was frustrated that he didn't break my water fully sooner because I really don't like staying in the hospital but it is what it is. I had previously talked to my doctor about going all natural without any drugs because of a previous horrible experience I had with the epidural with Micah. There is nothing that helps with the pain of childbirth that is not invasive. And I was so fearful that the same thing would happen again. So my only option was to forgo drugs and go all natural. I definitely was scared.
Because of the new hospital that was built, I had a room with a tub in it. I hopped into the tub to ease the pain of the contractions but I am not sure if that really helped. It just hurt and I started to doubt myself. Shelden was such an amazing encouragement! He was there for me through the whole process. He talked me through each of my contractions and I am so thankful for him. I really don't think I could have done it without him there. Both my parents were there in the room as well. They were so supportive and took good care of me. I am so glad they were there as well! It was time to get out of the tub so the nurse could check how far I was dilated. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I started to lose focus. But shelden was there to keep me on track. The nurse gave me some tricks and helped me with my breathing. There was a couple of times that I said, "Shelden, I don't think I can do this." But he reassured me that this is what I was made to do this. Finally, it was time to push and I told myself this little baby is going to come out quick! It was only a matter of about 5-6 pushes and he was out. It was such a relief to have him out! I said out loud, "Thank you JESUS!" Thank you GOD!" and then I told my dad, I don't think I am going to have anymore, I am going to adopt. He just laughed at me.
Looking back I think that it wasn't too bad, but I know that in the moment it was really tough to get through those contractions. I kept saying out loud, "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this" I just said that over and over again during my contractions. It really was liberating to give birth all natural and I am so glad that I did! It really was an amazing experience...and I am really glad it is over!
I am fortunate enough to have an amazing friend who is a great photographer. She was there during the whole labor and birth and captured it through her lens. She was a great support and I am so glad she was there. Here is a picture video she made of Joshua's arrival. Thanks Amber! You are wonderful! Just click on the link...

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Due Date*

Tomorrow is the official due date of this little baby!
I really didn't think we would make it this far...I thought he would be here by now! But what I have come to realize is that God has a birthdate for him. He has a specific day for him to be born and even though I would love to control that, I can't!
I definitely am so ready to get rid of this prego belly and meet our little boy!
Hopefully this little guy will make his arrival tonight...that would be nice! But I am prepared to go past my due date even though my body is having a hard time keeping up.

*3 Year Anniversary!*

Today is our 3 year anniversary! wooo whooo!!! I totally thought we would have baby number 2 by today but he is still in the oven cooking away! Three years seems like a good amount and sounds like nothing compared to my parents 30th wedding anniversary coming up next month! There is so much that has happened in the last 3 years, it definitely has gone by fast.
Within 3 years of marriage we have:
-lived in 4 different places (apartment, condo, my parents, and our own house)
-we had our first baby
-became homeowners
-basically remodeled our new home
-owned 6 different vehicles (4runner, honda, mazda,ranger, gmc and our passat)
-Shelden restored a '79 honda 185T (we are selling it...let us know if you are interested!)
-Shelden started his own business NewLight Co. and sold it
-I became a stay at home momma
-Shelden started fulltime at BMW/VW and got a promotion
-we became pregnant again
-had 2 different roomates (Shout out to Matt and Brookie!)


It definitely has been one change after the next, I used to look for things to settle down and level out in our life but that really hasn't happened. Our lives are about to change again as we are anticipating the arrival of Joshua Anthony Flowers. The last few nights I thought there was a chance he was coming but obviously he is not here. It still is a little surreal that we will have 2 boys running around. I really feel like a mom now that I will have 2 kids, it is going to take me to a whole new level of selflessness. I really had no idea what our life would look like together when we said "I do" three years ago. I was just so ready to be married to my best friend and share everything with him. I had no idea we would be on our 2nd child by now and living in our own place. I am so thankful for the tough times that God has taken us through. I am thankful that we both fight for this marriage and to love God first. God has weeded out insecurities and selfishness in us and is continuing to weed out more things. I am so thankful for my husband, he never ceases to amaze me with hidden talents and random knowledge he has. I am so proud of him for working so diligently at his job. God has taught him so much about himself through his job and I love watching him grow. Shelden is such a great dad, I can see in Micah's eyes how much he adores Shelden. No one can make Micah laugh like his daddy does. I can't wait to see where God will take us in the next 5, 10 and 15 years. It is such an adventure to obey God and I am so very thankful that my husband fears and loves the Lord.

 Dating '08

 the night he proposed

 our wonderful wedding day

 then came Micah

now we are waiting for Joshua to hangout with us...