looking forward to friday*

Tomorrow I get to wake up super duper early to drive to LA for GODchicks! I am so excited to see what God is going to do. And I am excited to hangout with some awesome women from my church...I definetly can use some girl time! It's great timing too, because I go back to work the first week of July. So it will be a nice refresher before figuring out what life will be like going back to work, the baby, and shelden working fulltime now.

It's going to be a little weird not having Micah with me...but is it bad that I am a little excited for a break? I think its healthy to be away from the baby for a short time every once in a while. I don't want to be the mom who can't let my child go. I want Micah to be God's not mine. Hannah in the Bible literally gave her son Samuel to God. He then at a young age heard God's voice and became a prophet. He had a key role in the Israelities conquering the Philistines. Because of Samuel's prayers, "But that day the Lord thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic that they were routed before the Israelites." -1 Samuel 7:10 What if Hannah didn't want to obey God and decided to keep him, and shelter him and not let him out of her sight? Maybe the Philistines would have slaughtered the Israelites, God's chosen people. Because of Hannah's obedience, her one choice to give up her son, changed history. I want to make decisions that will change history. I want to raise Micah to be a warrior after God's heart.
I will miss him like crazy, and his cute little face will be popping up in my mind throughout the day for sure! But it will be that much sweeter when I get to hug his little body and kiss his little cheeks when I get home! :)



last night's thoughts*

Last night we were at our church's worship workshop night. They were teaching and practicing a song called "The Great I Am". It is such a powerful song. As they were practicing this over and over again I started to think. I was bred for greatness. I was built for God's glory. I was made an the image of greatness, the almighty,excellence and perfection. Why would I settle for anything less than everything that I can give? I was made to bring God glory. He has given me his power. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead. Why don't I tap into that? Maybe that is exactly what Satan wants me to forget. He wants me to forget who I am in Christ and the power I have in God. I would be unstoppable if I would really understood who I am in God. My identity should be in God. NOTHING LESS.

I didn't know how to put the song on here from YouTube so it's on the post before this if you want to listen to the song...its quite beautiful and inspiring! :)

New Life Worship - Great I Am

identity*

Being a new mommy is hard. Especially when the horomones are still going crazy and trying to settle back to what is "normal". I am still feeling insecure about my body, even though I am just shy of fitting comfortably back into my regular clothes. Shelden always tells me how beautiful I am but I didn't realize how hard it was going to be after giving birth to love my body. But Shelden loves me and calls me beautiful, stretch marks and all. I guess its all a apart of being a woman and a mother. Honestly it is a battle everyday when I look in the mirror and step on the scale. I hope that magically over night I will drop 5lbs and be back to my normal weight now. I probably shouldn't get on the scale for a while! And I need to remember that it took 9 months to put this weight on, it will most likely take 9 months or more to get it off. But there is something inside of me that wants to prove that wrong and loose the weight asap. I need to be realistic in my goals and give myself a good amount of time to get back in shape.
I think the real problem is that I don't truly identify myself in God. If my identity was really in Him, I wouldn't battle this everyday. All that would matter is that I am His and He is mine. That He loves me just as I am because my heart is for Him. Before I was pregnant I prided myself in my body because I worked hard for it. I loved going to the gym and getting a good workout, I constantly was lifting weights and on a good workout schedule, going to spin class and working up a good sweat. I went while I was preggie...(definetly got some funny looks then) and now I am trying to figure out how to go regularly with Micah around. Getting on a good workout schedule is great for my mind and body but I shouldn't be identifying myself with that. My body is dying everyday due to living in a fallen world. I should love the body God gave me and take care of it to the best of my ability but not see myself through it. My body will fail me, no doubt. But God will NEVER fail me, he never has in the past and never will in the future. My God is for me, not against me. He wants to see me prosper not fail.
So what does it look like to find who I am in Christ?...to make God my identity?
Simply to keep my eyes on Him and off of myself. ugh...so easy yet hard at the same time. I need to saturate my mind in His Word, so that when my flesh wants to tell me things that make me insecure I can quickly fight back with truth. I remember in our marraige counseling, our Pastor told me that as a leader, there is no room for insecurity. And it is so true for anyone who loves and lives for Jesus. We are new in Him, we should not leave any room for insecurity. We should let the Spirit fill every part of us so that there is no room for antything but Him. No, my body will not change over night. Yes, my mind can be renewed in Christ. It will just take work...it will take preparing for that mind battle when it comes to looking in the mirror everyday.
God never said it was going to be easy...its in the struggle that I lean on Him the most. I just have to lean all my weight on Him, not just 40% of it.
mmmm....God is good.

 Daddy thought it would be funny to put his glasses on him...

 6 weeks old

haha...I don't know if he likes my kisses or if they make him cry :)

A little Marriage Trust*

Lately I have been wanting to get my hair cut. I rarely get it done and it has been like 6 or 7 months since its been cut. I am just cheap when it comes to stuff like that! So Shelden and I were just talking the other day and I was telling him how I need to get my hair done and jokingly suggested that maybe he should just cut it because I am cheap. I was half serious and half joking. Shelden cuts his hair all the time and does a really good job! I know cutting long hair is a little different then triming up a short man's hair...but it sounded kind of fun to let him try! :) We agreed that if he messed it up that I could go spend money on getting it fixed. It was a win win situation, either he does a good job and we don't spend any money or he messes it up and I go get it done and it looks great. Either way I would have spent the money to get it done so might as well let him try right? hehe..
My parents came home as we were about to start and they were like what the heck are you doing!?! My mom said "you are only going to cut like a little bit right?",making her fingers show us about an inch. (He ended up taking about 4 in off) And my dad walked by and said, "I've never touched your mother's hair!" haha...I think they were afraid for me! But I made sure my mom knew we watched a tutorial online about it, ha! because that makes us professionals after watching a video online about it!
We joked about how it really takes trust between us to let him cut my hair. A girl's hair is pretty important to how she feels about her looks. If you get a bad haircut, it's kind of a big deal! It really did take some trust for me to let him cut my hair, it wasn't a big deal when we first started but as time went by and hair was falling to the ground, I was a little nervous! It took communicating through it and not being afraid to offend the other by being honest. It was a good little trust exercise! :)
He did an awesome job!...I figured he would, he is good at everything! :)

 Before

kinda scary with the scissors huh?

 it was a process...

 After...not so bad eh?

no, it's not perfect but its better than spending $100 bucks!