identity*

Being a new mommy is hard. Especially when the horomones are still going crazy and trying to settle back to what is "normal". I am still feeling insecure about my body, even though I am just shy of fitting comfortably back into my regular clothes. Shelden always tells me how beautiful I am but I didn't realize how hard it was going to be after giving birth to love my body. But Shelden loves me and calls me beautiful, stretch marks and all. I guess its all a apart of being a woman and a mother. Honestly it is a battle everyday when I look in the mirror and step on the scale. I hope that magically over night I will drop 5lbs and be back to my normal weight now. I probably shouldn't get on the scale for a while! And I need to remember that it took 9 months to put this weight on, it will most likely take 9 months or more to get it off. But there is something inside of me that wants to prove that wrong and loose the weight asap. I need to be realistic in my goals and give myself a good amount of time to get back in shape.
I think the real problem is that I don't truly identify myself in God. If my identity was really in Him, I wouldn't battle this everyday. All that would matter is that I am His and He is mine. That He loves me just as I am because my heart is for Him. Before I was pregnant I prided myself in my body because I worked hard for it. I loved going to the gym and getting a good workout, I constantly was lifting weights and on a good workout schedule, going to spin class and working up a good sweat. I went while I was preggie...(definetly got some funny looks then) and now I am trying to figure out how to go regularly with Micah around. Getting on a good workout schedule is great for my mind and body but I shouldn't be identifying myself with that. My body is dying everyday due to living in a fallen world. I should love the body God gave me and take care of it to the best of my ability but not see myself through it. My body will fail me, no doubt. But God will NEVER fail me, he never has in the past and never will in the future. My God is for me, not against me. He wants to see me prosper not fail.
So what does it look like to find who I am in Christ?...to make God my identity?
Simply to keep my eyes on Him and off of myself. ugh...so easy yet hard at the same time. I need to saturate my mind in His Word, so that when my flesh wants to tell me things that make me insecure I can quickly fight back with truth. I remember in our marraige counseling, our Pastor told me that as a leader, there is no room for insecurity. And it is so true for anyone who loves and lives for Jesus. We are new in Him, we should not leave any room for insecurity. We should let the Spirit fill every part of us so that there is no room for antything but Him. No, my body will not change over night. Yes, my mind can be renewed in Christ. It will just take work...it will take preparing for that mind battle when it comes to looking in the mirror everyday.
God never said it was going to be easy...its in the struggle that I lean on Him the most. I just have to lean all my weight on Him, not just 40% of it.
mmmm....God is good.

 Daddy thought it would be funny to put his glasses on him...

 6 weeks old

haha...I don't know if he likes my kisses or if they make him cry :)