Dr's Visit*

Yesterday we went in for another Dr's appointment. I was super excited because I thought for sure this blood thing was going to be gone or significantly smaller...I had my hopes up high! They did another ultrasound and the Dr didn't seem impressed. The baby looked great but there was blood throughout the whole picture. The baby is inside the placenta and the placenta is attached to the uterus, wherever the placenta wasn't attached, there was blood. It was a little concerning to me to say the least, especially going into the appointment thinking this was going to be done and over with. The Dr said he is going to refer me to a specialist and to keep taking it easy. He said that we could still loose the baby but that he was optimistic about it. I am back at work now, but my job doesn't consist of alot of walking around. I sit and give people money with occasional trips to the bathroom. The Dr said that working won't do any harm. He also said that this is out of our control and if we happen to loose the baby it is nothing that I have done wrong. There is nothing that I can or can't do to make this situation better or worse. We left the office and we got in the car...I started to cry because I felt so confused. I was so sure of myself that I would be able to get my "normal" life back, with no restrictions and a "normal" pregnancy.
I am grateful that everything is great with the baby. There is no abnormalities and her heartbeat is strong. We went back home and thankfully big brother feel asleep, so Shelden listened to my concerns and my thoughts, we put on some worship and a peace did come. I realized yesterday that I haven't allowed myself to become emotionally attached to this new little baby growing inside of me. I don't want to get hurt and I am living as if the worst is going to happen. Unfortunately, I am really good at guarding my heart in all types of relationships...so this situation is no different. I was able to talk to our Pastor's wife...who last year had to deal with her baby pass away at only 6 months old. She is wise at a young age and understands the frustration and confusion I have been feeling. She asked me if I was allowing myself to be emotionally attached to this baby and if I am guarding myself from getting hurt. I admitted it out loud that I am guarding my heart. She challenged me to be vulnerable to getting hurt and loving this little baby growing inside of me. She said I would be robbing myself of something if I don't let myself be vulnerable no matter the outcome. God has something greater than me in all of this.
Reading Hebrews 11...the famous "faith" chapter. "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." (v.13) They saw the greater purpose even though it meant they didn't get to see it come about.  If that's not glorifying to God, I don't know what is. It didn't make sense back then, in the moment for Noah to build an ark when there has never been rain. In the moment, it never really makes sense, except for because that would mean obedience to God.
I have to keep my head up, not hiding my emotions in pride but in humble acceptance of this is what God is doing in our lives. I can't see the purpose but my obedience will affect the next generation. And that is the faith that God wants me to have.

Half*Marathon!

This weekend was the World Vision half marathon. I did not get to run but I was so proud of my hubby and my dad as they finished strong! We went to a team dinner on Saturday night before the race, we got to hear from Lopez Lamong who is an olympic gold medalist. He represented the USA in the 1500 meter run. So he is pretty dang fast. He is actually from Sudan and was captured to be a child solider when he was only 6 years old. He says that it was only by God that he was able to escape with a couple of other boys to a refugee camp. He thought that he was going to live the rest of his life there but an American schooling program came and picked him to come to the US among some other boys. He realized that he loved running and his story goes on from there. He now is an advocate for South Sudan which is the newest country on the planet. He totally loves Jesus and his obedience is humbling. He ran with the rest of the World Vision team even though long distance isn't his thing. It was cool to hear a present time story of God using the weak to do His work. God is using someone who could have been killed by the LRA or left to die in a refugee camp. But instead because of Lopez's obedience, he will have a huge impact on the start of a new country....that desperately needs Jesus.
Overall there was over 700 people running this half marathon with World Vision. The team as a whole raised over $350,000 dollars!!! That is clean water FOR LIFE for 7,000 kids!!! FOR LIFE!!! It was emotional hearing the number and how so many people here in the states would go through physical straining to help people they will never meet.
I am so proud of my husband and my dad! They did such a great job! Shelden ran in 1 hour and 59 minutes...not bad for someone who barely trained! He is a natural runner for sure! And my dad ran in 2 hours and 12 minutes! He beat his estimated time of 2 hours and 30 minutes so we are super proud of him!
Unfortunately, me and my mom didn't get to see them cross the finish line! Big time bummer!!! We found out from other spectators that they changed the race course last minute. Instead of the racing ending in a walking distance from the starting point, it ended up being 8 miles away! We sat at a corner with other fans that claimed there was supposed to be a bus coming to get us and take us to the finish line...we sat there....and sat there...and sat there...freezing!!! I thought to myself, I am tired of waiting, we got to drive there! So I convinced my mom into us driving there and figuring out how to get there...we got there, finally found parking and walked as fast as we could to that finish line. A couple of minutes later there was Shelden hanging out....okay obviously we missed him coming in but dad still had to be out there. So we waited and waited and Shelden finally found him...he was finished running and looking for us! Me and my mom were bummed that we couldn't cheer them on as they finished but we were very proud of them!!! Such a great experience!


If you want to know more about World Vision and how they are changing lives all over the world you can visit their website at worldvision.org

Before the race...

 Shelden always in a good mood....

So stinkin' proud of this man!

Good News*

Last week I had a follow up appointment to check on the size of this bloodsac that has changed my "normal" life. Praise Jesus its SMALLER!!!! The doctor seemed happy to see that the sac was significantly smaller. He measured it and said that it was 30% smaller than the last appointment we had with him. I was so happy and thankful that everything was fine. Things are looking up and we are heading the normal pregnancy lane. The sac should keep getting smaller and smaller til it is no more and then it is a normal pregnancy. It's always amazing to see the little baby on the screen. She looked bigger! (I still think it's a girl, but I will feel pretty bad if it is a boy...we shall see!)
I still have to "take it easy" and not work, or lift heavy things or do anything I don't necessarily have to do. This "taking it easy" thing has been the hardest part for me. I have learned that I identify myself with doing things and getting tasks done. So not doing anything really at all has been very difficult for me. Yes, I do little things here and there. I get to take care of Micah some days but I get a lot help from both grandmas. (which I am very grateful for!) But I find myself feeling useless and purposeless. I know in my mind that is not true but because I identify myself with "doing things", not doing anything feels like I don't know who I am anymore. It is humbling to come back to this fact over and over again. I just can't quite understand who I am in Christ. It is going to take a whole lot of learning over the years! But I know that this time off from work and doing too much is a good time to just sit back and be reminded of why I am here on this earth. I am here to glorify God in all I do, even if that means sitting here.
One thing that I have to keep remembering is that there is a little baby in my belly. And by me sitting here and stopping my "normal" life, I am doing what I should be doing for this little one. I do find peace in knowing that this baby will be healthy and have a full life...and it starts from me doing absolutely nothing. :)
God is totally awesome and powerful!