Love me some Labor*

No! I am not in labor yet!!! But I know I will be getting there soon!!! Last week we went to the doctor and he said I am already dilated 2cm and that the head is low. Also, he said that the baby will probably come in a couple of weeks. This week I found out that I am mildly anemic. Which makes sense why I have been so tired lately! It is totally my fault though because I have been really really forgetful about taking my prenatal vitamin. He prescribed me to taking Iron twice a day and my prenatal vitamin everyday and said that will get my blood count back up in time for when the baby makes his debut.
I have been looking up different pain medications for when I go into labor. I am kind of disappointed because all I have found is the epidural, spinal tap and morphine. I am so fearful of getting an epidural again. I had horrible side effects from it and my first week home with Micah was awful! I could not take care of him the way a new mommy should be able to. My doctor keeps reassuring me that it is only a 1% chance of getting spinal headaches (which is what I suffered) with an epidural. But I cannot see myself getting one again! I really don't want such an invasive pain medication. So out goes the spinal tap because that is more invasive then the epidural. And I really rather not be doped up on morphine, plus that will affect little baby. Really, my only option right now is going all natural, and honestly that still scares me a bit! I know my body was made to do this, God made me strong enough to take it but I am still a little bit nervous. I am nervous that I will go to my default and quit in the midst of pain. I am so good at quitting or not giving my 100% in the middle of something difficult. Luckily, I have a handsome and awesome husband that is willing to push me to my best potential. He reminds me all the time that I am strong enough to deliver this baby without drugs. And I know he will do such a good job of coaching me and encouraging me through laboring.
I am excited to have this little guy! Honestly, I am excited to not be pregnant anymore! But I am more excited to add another flowers boy to the bunch. I am excited to see how Micah reacts to this new little baby in our home and how they will grow up to be best friends. Well, we are praying that they will be best friends!
Almost there!!! Praise Jesus!

You are Not Alone*

I was praying yesterday for our Generation Church, which is our youth group we help out with. I was asking God for something to share with our group of kids. The night ended without the chance of me being able to speak about it and it is still on my heart today.

One of the enemies biggest lies that we believe is: "You are Alone."

God wants you to know that you are NOT alone! I've previously struggled with loneliness, especially during the newness of being a stay at home mommy. I felt like no one was around and unfortantely twisted it to blaming my husband for not being home enough. Yet, he was working and making the means for us to own our first house and feed our first baby. I know what it is like to feel that depression and frustration of "no one" being around. I just wanted a friend. I just wanted to talk to someone. I did not want my husband to go to work and I wanted him to come home early. I would get so frustrated that he had to stay later at work. I finally came to realize that his customers are the ones paying our bills. There is no other income.

Satan wants us to believe that we are alone. When in fact, we are not. Do we realize how many others are feeling the same way? What if all us lonely people got together, then we wouldn't be so lonely right? Satan works by creating a gap between people. If he gets people out of relationship with each other then he is on the right path. Just like with Adam and Eve, Satan made a way for a gap between God and his people (ultimately by lying to them). God made us for relationships.  "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live in unity."-ps 133:1 We've all grown up with a "best friend" or a group of close friends. It's fun sharing life with those people and you find yourself wanting to be around that person or people all the time because it makes life richer. So why wouldn't Satan attack that part of our life? He wants us to live seperate lives where there is no vulnerability and where its easy to put on a facade when you walk out the front door. He has won when we close ourselves off to others. He has won when we put on our fake face to impress others. Satan does not want us to stand up together, because there is strength in numbers. It is harder for the enemy to bring you down when you are supported by a friend.

"God sets the lonely in families" -Ps 68:6
God does not want you to be alone. It says in his written word that he sets you in a family! But that doesn't necessarily mean that he will physically pick you up and transport you and drop you into a perfect family. He definitely could if he wanted to but...sometimes this loneliness feeling needs to be fought by the one feeling lonely. We need to pick ourselves up and take our eyes off of ourselves and go be a friend to someone else. I was reading today in the Message Bible, Matthew 7:12 "Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the iniative and do it for them..." We got to get out of ourselves and go help the ones who are truly lonely. We have to remember in the darkness of feeling alone that, "its not about me!" We have the power within us to rise up against the enemies lies. God lives within us therefore we have the power to say no to the lies and yes to the truth! This is one thing that God has been teaching me since I've been in high school. I need to go and be a friend to someone, not complain and feel bad for myself that no one is being a friend to me. Unfortunately, I still learn that lesson from time to time. But let's be to others what we want them to be to us. What a revolution for relationships in this world if we were to help others, the way we would want to be helped. The Word is so rich with relevant truth for today!
 Proverbs 11:25 says, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
Thats some good stuff right there!
In our loneliness, let's be generous! It almost doesn't make sense but God's word is true and he keeps his promises. If we step out of our lonely mentality of thinking and give to someone else we will be refreshed. I don't know about you but I love that feeling of refreshed!

God wants YOU to know that YOU are NOT alone!

33 weeks and counting!

Yes, it has been quite some time since I've been able to post! It has been a fiasco trying to get hooked up to our wireless internet in our new place. So I am thankful that we finally have wireless internet...oh first world problems right?

We got another ultrasound today, which is always amazing to me. It's crazy that there is a little being stuffed inside my belly. And man is he stuffed!!! He weighs slightly under 5lbs. Talk about a chunker!!! We got to see his face...kind of...on the 3D ultrasound, I think him and Micah will look alot alike. The ultrasound predicted that my due date will be July 31st, instead of the original predicted date of August 3rd. Praise Jesus for that! Time is going by fast, as always! I look at Micah when he is running around like a crazy man and think, oh my goodness...there is going to be two of them!!! But by God's grace I'll be able to raise these little guys! I don't know how its going to work out but it WILL work out!

Being at home with Micah has been the transistion of a lifetime. I am becoming a different person, in a good way, I really feel myself stepping into a Mother's role. I don't think I am like most moms and sometimes I get insecure about that but I am confident in how God wants us to raise these little guys. We are super laid back with Micah, in the way of letting him figure out how things work...like gravity. This little boy always has bumps and bruises. He has learned the art of falling, he knows how to lift his head up when he falls on the ground so his head won't hit. So smart this kid! I was shopping at my favorite store, TJ Maxx when I, the defiant to rules mommy was letting Micah play in the bigger area of the shopping cart. No he was not buckled in the top part of the basket facing me, with his legs through the holes. He was standing up, cart surfing and pulling clothes to his face. He reached out for a dress and stumbled a bit...believe me this kid was not going to fall out but the lady in the aisle gasped with horror as she thought he was going to plunge to his death. She kept gasping as he was falling and getting back up within the basket. Oh man, I thought she was going to call CPS on me! Sometimes I think people see us and think we are crazy or too laid back, but then I think about it and I love watching Micah figure out how to do things on his own. I won't always be able to be there for him. He has a healthy independence about him and I like that. I don't want to be a helicopter parent but I am sure there are ways we are. He is such a smart little guy, who loves to figure out how mommy and daddy do things around the house.

My prayer for Joshua is that we would not compare him to Micah. We love Micah so much and think the world of him, of course we think he is super smart and super cute. He definitely is a fast learner and has met milestones a little earlier then the average. But Joshua could have a totally different temperment and personality. And I don't ever want to speak bad things over him, I don't ever want him to feel like his older brother is better then him in anyway. Joshua will be such an amazing man of God and will be different then Micah. They both have a high calling on their lives and I need to remember that while I change poopy diapers, listening to crying and go crazy from not sleeping very much.

Raising Micah has showed me that I had so much more capacity for selflessness. And now with Joshua soon to make his arrival, I am sure there is a whole other level for selflessness that I will have to make room for.

Micah's 1st Bday!*

A couple of weeks have past since Micah's 1st birthday. I still can't believe he is 1 years old and only getting older! He is such a blessing to me and even though there are times where the child drives me nuts, I can't wait til he wakes up in the morning so we can hangout. He is my little buddy. His determined little personality comes alive each day. And he can't get enough electronics and mechanical things...he will sit for a while trying to figure out how things fit together and come undone. I know every mom says this about her child, but he really is smart! :)
We had so much fun celebrating our little boy on his birthday. Daddy made some bbq chicken and we had our first official get together in our new house. Of course he got tons of presents and he tried some cake. Because he is a boy, and a rough one at that, he had a black eye on his birthday and a matching scratch across his cheek (made for some sweet pics). Two days later after his bday he touched my hair straightener while it was cooling off, so he had a nice 2nd degree blister on his thumb to go with his black eye and scratched face. I didn't want to take him anywhere because I was afraid someone might call CPS on me.
I love that little guy with my whole heart. And I can't wait til his brother comes along in late July/early August. They will be two peas in a pod, getting in trouble together and being crazy boys! Micah will be such a great big brother!

 getting hair done by daddy...he cut his hair a few days earlier!

 Probably the coolest present he got...lil powerwheels from auntie larissa..he rides the thing everywhere except he doesn't know how to turn, so he runs into the walls all the time!

The day we brought him home from the hospital...I can't believe he used to be this small...now he is my big 1 yr old monster!!! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICAH LEE!!!



Baby No. 2*

I am already 18 weeks along! My belly is out for the world to see, that is for sure. And it feels like it happened over night! I looked down the other mornning and I was like dang that belly is big! Such great news for this little one...We went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and there is no more blood!!! wooo whoooo praise Jesus!!! Everything is "normal" and there isn't any risks with the blood sac that was there. I fully believe Jesus healed my body! What was interesting though is that the doctor said that it looks like a boy...because he saw a "little something" down there as he was looking at the ultrasound. Which took me way off guard because I really thought that we were having a girl. Still in the back of my mind, I think that we still may have a girl. I have heard stories of women thinking they were going to have a boy and then it really was a foot or thumb in the way during the ultra sound. So we will see!!! Either way, if it is a girl or a boy we will be excited. A boy would be fun for Micah, to have a brother so close in age! But if its a girl I think they would have a special relationship as well. Our next appointment is with a specialist on March 12th so they might have a clearer ultrasound. :)

Micah is taking steps!!! He actually started taking steps just before he turned 10 months old. He isn't quite walking around yet but he takes a lot of steps then gets so excited he falls over. It is pretty much the cutest thing ever!!! His front two teeth are in and he has a little gap between them...it makes me melt when he smiles. He does a chinese squinty eye smile at me, just like his dad! I love staying home with him. He really lights up my world...even though there are times where he drives me nuts!

Our new casa is still well underway. We painted ever inch of that house!!! My body was so tired from painting like 4 days in a row! My parents have been such a big help! I told them I owe them dinner for the rest of their lives. I feel so blessed to have such amazing parents. I have been learning more about how God wants to lavish blessings on me because he loves me through my parents being such a big help. We are almost ready to move in but not quite yet. We are waiting for granite countertops to be installed this week. The new carpet gets installed on tuesday. We are tiling the kitchen and bathroom floor, putting in awesome backsplash in the kitchen and staining the cabinets. We gotta slap on some baseboard and then we are ready to move on in! Seems like a lot but this list is short compared to what we have already done in that house! I can't wait to have a big party and have our own place to call home. We will make memories there as a family and Micah and the new baby will grow up there. I seriously feel so blessed!

here is some progress on the house:

Before:back living room looking into kitchen

Before:dining room looking into back living room

After: back living room

Before: kitchen looking from back living room

In progress: the cabinets are stained ebony



After: front living room

I haven't gotten pictures of the house painted yet. But it already looks like a different house with color on the walls! :)
Thank you Jesus for a sweet home! I think its safe to say that He loves me...

The role of Stay @ home Mommy*

I really was nervous coming into this new role of full time mommy. Well, I was always a full time mommy before but I worked part time...even though it felt like full time. Working did not allow me to be with Micah as much as I would like to be. I only would see him in the morning while I was getting ready for work then when I got home it was dinner time, bath time, a little play time and then off to bed, with occasional 4am wake ups. Before Micah was born Shelden and I went to a youth conference as leaders and God spoke very clear to me. First he told me Micah was a boy....then he slipped in there that he is going to be a pastor. A couple of nights later I was praying and God said he wanted me to bury my heart in being a mommy. Being a stay at home mom was something I desired but nothing I was too passionate about. I grew up going to daycare and after school care. I was used to being taken care of by other people while my parents worked, and they did a great job of making sure to spend quality time with me. We have a great relationship now and because of that I never thought of staying home as a must. So Micah was born and I was hoping there was going to be a way where I could quit while I was on maternity leave but it didn't happen. Off to work I went, while he was taken care of by Shelden's mom. We are definitely grateful for that!!! But it was hard to drop him off and let someone else raise him. Finally we came to a point where we entertained the idea of me staying home with the little guy. Shelden told me that I had to be positive that this is what God wanted as it would be tight with only one income. So I pushed it off a little more and God blessed us with a house! :) We are not quite moved in yet...but that's a whole other blog post!
Talking to a dear friend of mine one night, we were talking about some decisions she was making in her life and how God hadn't said yes or no but she knew she just needed to move in faith. And so I shared with her that I didn't have enough faith to stay home with Micah and only live off of one income. There it was...I said it out loud. Once I said it, I kinda thought umm...looks like you've found your answer! So I started to wrestle back and forth with what God really wanted. I talked to our pastor's wife and she said, well going off of what God said to you and you knowing you don't have enough faith...it seems pretty clear what you need to do. So I talked to Shelden that night and he was totally on board with no hesitations.

So here I am first week down: I am definitely tired, especially with the new baby on its way and I am the happiest I have ever been. This little guy is a handful and he has a "D" personality for sure, he is Mr. independent with eating his food. He won't really take spoon fed food because he wants to pick it up with his hands. He is almost walking but for now he is a super fast bear crawler. I love all the smiles he gives me and I love making him crack up when I eat his belly. I do find it hard to keep my patience when he is fussy and fighting to the death to not take a nap but once he wakes up, his playfulness wipes my memory away of fussy monster man. I am proud to be his mommy and I am glad that I get to take care of him everyday. He drives me crazy sometimes but I know that he will fulfill his God set destiny if I obey God at how to be his mom, in that particular moment.

I want to be a purposeful mom in how I train him. I want to raise him to love God and love people. I know I have my work cut out for me but this is what God intended when he made me a mommy.

 Micah acting silly while he eats lunch

 notice all his choices of fingerfoods...

Dr's Visit*

Yesterday we went in for another Dr's appointment. I was super excited because I thought for sure this blood thing was going to be gone or significantly smaller...I had my hopes up high! They did another ultrasound and the Dr didn't seem impressed. The baby looked great but there was blood throughout the whole picture. The baby is inside the placenta and the placenta is attached to the uterus, wherever the placenta wasn't attached, there was blood. It was a little concerning to me to say the least, especially going into the appointment thinking this was going to be done and over with. The Dr said he is going to refer me to a specialist and to keep taking it easy. He said that we could still loose the baby but that he was optimistic about it. I am back at work now, but my job doesn't consist of alot of walking around. I sit and give people money with occasional trips to the bathroom. The Dr said that working won't do any harm. He also said that this is out of our control and if we happen to loose the baby it is nothing that I have done wrong. There is nothing that I can or can't do to make this situation better or worse. We left the office and we got in the car...I started to cry because I felt so confused. I was so sure of myself that I would be able to get my "normal" life back, with no restrictions and a "normal" pregnancy.
I am grateful that everything is great with the baby. There is no abnormalities and her heartbeat is strong. We went back home and thankfully big brother feel asleep, so Shelden listened to my concerns and my thoughts, we put on some worship and a peace did come. I realized yesterday that I haven't allowed myself to become emotionally attached to this new little baby growing inside of me. I don't want to get hurt and I am living as if the worst is going to happen. Unfortunately, I am really good at guarding my heart in all types of relationships...so this situation is no different. I was able to talk to our Pastor's wife...who last year had to deal with her baby pass away at only 6 months old. She is wise at a young age and understands the frustration and confusion I have been feeling. She asked me if I was allowing myself to be emotionally attached to this baby and if I am guarding myself from getting hurt. I admitted it out loud that I am guarding my heart. She challenged me to be vulnerable to getting hurt and loving this little baby growing inside of me. She said I would be robbing myself of something if I don't let myself be vulnerable no matter the outcome. God has something greater than me in all of this.
Reading Hebrews 11...the famous "faith" chapter. "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." (v.13) They saw the greater purpose even though it meant they didn't get to see it come about.  If that's not glorifying to God, I don't know what is. It didn't make sense back then, in the moment for Noah to build an ark when there has never been rain. In the moment, it never really makes sense, except for because that would mean obedience to God.
I have to keep my head up, not hiding my emotions in pride but in humble acceptance of this is what God is doing in our lives. I can't see the purpose but my obedience will affect the next generation. And that is the faith that God wants me to have.