Hope*

What does this word hope really mean? I was asking myself this the other day. I sing the songs that talk about God being my hope but what do I mean when I say that? Do I really live as God as my hope? What do I really hope in? I started to explore this word hope. The dictionary says that hope is to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence, to place trust. The keyword that stuck out to me was trust. And I know in my heart that I do not trust God. If I really trusted in God then my life would probably look a whole lot different. I wouldn't worry about the outcomes of situations, be as selfish as I am, or be disappointed in results. I came upon Proverbs 13:12

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life."

I realized that I do not put my hope in anything. For some reason my default is to not hope at all so in the end I won't feel disappointed or upset about the outcome. Like when I was in high school, I used to not try my hardest so when I failed I could say that I didn't give my 100% effort, thus meaning I was not a failure because I did not do my best. Such twisted thinking! I was really just setting myself up for failure! I went through high school not giving my best to anything. Just like now, I am realizing that I don't let myself get my hopes up so that I won't feel that disappointment later. When really I am setting myself up for disappointment because just like that verse says, not hoping in anything will only result in a broken heart.

I need to start putting my hope in the Lord. And to truly do it! Not just say that I hope in Him. Hoping in God is a flawless plan. God never disappoints! I will only be disappointed if I am looking to please my own desires. I am only disappointed if I have my own hidden agenda in the end results. There is freedom in knowing that I will never be disappointed. God will never disappoint! But the trick is I really have to TRUST him. I have to forget my wants, my will, my desires and strive for it's not about me mentality!

Easier said not done eh?

But I rather be living in freedom than living under the bond of continual disappointment. Why would I ever want to go back to not giving my best and setting myself up for failure? Funny when I think about it like that.

God is good :)