This past week has been one of the hardest, most beautiful weeks. I went ahead with the epidural to keep my labor pains a little under control. I was going to try having a natural birth experience but once I was in the moment of laboring, I decided to get the pain medication. I am glad that I did the epidural but the side effects of it was horrible. The anaesthesiologist took a couple more pokes than normal and ended up going deeper than where the epidural needed to go. So there was a little hole made for the spinal fluid to leak, thus making my brain sag a little and creating horrible headaches. The headaches were so bad that I could not even sit up. I was laying down for the next 5 days, not able to take care of my precious new baby. It was wonderful to have my new baby in this world but I had to lay there while Shelden and my mom took shifts taking care of him. I started to get really upset when I couldn't breastfeed him because that is what I had plan to do. I had planned on coming home and taking care of him and being a "supermom". But everything was shaken up, everything that I had planned on and believed about our first week at home with our new baby was shaken up. I had no control over what was going on and I hated it. I cried as I watched him go off to his first doctors appointment while I was laying on the couch not able to get up. I realized that God was purging me of control. He was showing me that Micah is not mine, he is God's. We prayed all throughout my pregnancy that we would not hoard Micah but we would everyday give him over to God. I still pray that I would have this mindset as Micah grows up, that I would not think of Micah as mine but as God's. Whatever happens to him would be of God's plan, I don't want my own desires for Micah to get in the way of what God has purposed for him. After 5 days,I was able to get a procedure done called a blood patch. It is a quick fix for the spinal headaches where they take blood out of my arm and put it in my back close to where the epidural was injected. The blood then patches up the hole where the fluid is leaking, thus stopping the headaches. Thank God for this procedure! It took the headache away after a couple of hours! :)
But God is still working in me with my control issues. I never saw myself as a control freak but really when it comes down to it, I am selfish and want things my way which in essence is me trying to control things. It has been amazing getting to know my first son. He is beautiful and so darn adorable! God has really shaken me up this past week...I never expected it to be like this but it is growing me to be the person God intended.
:)
he likes to sleep alot...
my little boy!
