Not the best News*

We went to the doctor yesterday hoping that I would be able to go back to "normal" life (aka being busy) but the appointment did not go as we expected. I knew that I wouldn't be completely off of bedrest but I knew that there would be progress since last weeks appointment. But as the doctor was doing the ultra-sound he found that the blood sac had gotten bigger. The tone in his voice made me assume that he was surprised by how it got bigger. He said that this could lead to a miscarriage. He said that usually he sees these things get smaller and eventually it becomes a normal pregnancy. But in my case the blood sac got bigger. I was a little stunned because I did not expect things to be worse, I knew they would be better. I am a little confused yet again as to what is going on inside my body. The doctor said more bed rest and just taking it easy, to not do anything that I don't need to do.

What makes this hard to grasp is that there is no information on this. Everything we read about "extra choronic bleeding" does not have a lot to say about it except for that you have to wait and see what happens. And there is no procedure or steps you take to insure that everything will turn out normal. What worries me is how big the sac is. One of the sites said that if the sac is 50% the size of the placenta then that is not good. Well, the blood that is pooled in my body is bigger then the placenta with the baby in it.

I really do not know what to think anymore. I know everything is going to be fine because God is in control. I know he will protect my baby, whether that means living in this world or living with Him. I just have to wait on the Lord. I literally have to trust Him, because I cannot do anything about what is going on inside of me. There is no need to worry, I will only stress myself out if I worry about it. But I am left with a feeling of being unsure. Although I need to rise up and be confident in what God has in store for us.

The left big black spot is all the blood.

The right big black spot is the placenta and the white spot inside of it is the baby.

We will have to trust in the Lord and see what happens.

:)

the Cliche Martha vs Mary*

This month our church is reading through the book of Luke. Of course I am behind on the daily reading plan but since I have had all the time in the world with not being able to do anything, I have had the time to read. I was reading along and came upon the story of Mary and Martha. I kinda read through it really fast because I have read it so many times and heard different sermons on it. I paused and went back over it again, reading it slowly and felt like there was something God wanted me to learn from it.

Well, the last couple of days I have let myself be overcome with depression, I have had the hardest time not being able to do things. I have had a pretty bad attitude. It's been stressful to me that I cannot go on with the things that I have had planned in the week because I have to sit there and do nothing. I have let myself get overwhelmed that I couldn't ring the bell for the salvation army. I couldn't dance for a song that our pastor wanted to do at church. I couldn't go to our wednesday night generation church. And I can't technically finish my Christmas shopping because I can't be walking around anywhere. I had to stop training for this half-marathon. I wanted to do all these things, I was excited about them. I feel significant in God's kingdom because I am doing these things.

UGH! This is where the Mary and Martha story comes in. I actually really don't like hearing about this story anymore because I have heard it so many times. But I think I have missed the point the every time I have heard it previously. This is what caught me off guard, Jesus tells Martha after she is frustrated that Mary isn't helping her do things, "Mary has chosen what is BETTER, and it will not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:42

Mary chose Jesus.

Mary chose Jesus. Martha chose...well not Jesus. She chose the work. She was mad because she felt like she had so much to do and probably felt fulfilled from doing all those things "for" Jesus. Well....Michelle how can you do all these things for Jesus if you never sit at his feet. All those things do not matter if my relationship with Jesus sucks!

Shelden and I went to our meeting for Pastoral and Apprentices and the church staff. I love hanging out with that group! They are amazing people who just love Jesus and obey Him. We had a Christmas party and at the end of the night we went around and said what we were thankful for/what God has done this past year. I honestly felt like I had nothing really significant. I mean yes, we had a beautiful baby and help out with generation church, Shelden has a great fulltime job and we are in escrow. I am so very thankful for those things, but I just had a sinking feeling. We are in this room with some amazing people who lay their everyday life down for others. Most of them have foster kids living in their home, work fulltime jobs and do fulltime ministry. Most of them had awesome stories about how family members came to the Lord or how they have seen so much growth from couples they have pastored. I felt like I have missed "it" this year. I feel like I have only given my 60% and have been able to get by. Yes, there has been a lot going on with us and it has been a year of tranistions and changes. But I feel like there is so much more in us. No, I wouldn't be able to do more on my own. But that is the point, I have been living my life like Martha, caught up in the "doing stuff" part. Man, I just need to sit at the feet of Jesus...every-single-day!

I am humbled by the fact that we are still on the apprentice team at church. I have missed the point of being in a relationship with Jesus. It is so hard to admit but that is where I am at. It took stripping me of being able to do any physical activity for me to figure this out. Part of me wants to be upset but the other part of me wants to passionately run after God. That part of me wants to bow at his feet and just be still in his presence.

I hate writing things I am going to do for the new year because they just end up being a list that never gets done...but this next year, starting today...my one goal is to just sit at Jesus feet.

Bedrest and Pregnancy*

These past few days have been crazy. I woke up on Sunday morning bleeding and cramping. That is a sign of a miscarriage. I went through the whole day sure of the fact that we had lost our baby and she was with Jesus. Yes, I think it's a girl. (we will see as time will tell) We prayed about it and released her to Jesus. I had a peace about it and knew it was going to be okay. We went to the family doctor on Monday and she did an ultrasound. Thankfully, there was a heartbeat! Everything was back to normal, although I felt a little confused as I really was convinced that the baby went to be with Jesus. It was definitely an emotional day. Tuesday everything was back to normal and the bleeding had stopped. Wednesday, today, started out normal then all of the sudden I started cramping again and there was more blood then Monday. It really scared me. I thought okay this is it, we really are going to miscarry. I got an appointment with the OBGYN. I wasn't nervous, just unsure with the news we were about it get. The dr. did another ultrasound and the baby was fine, there was a heartbeat, and all was well. Except there was a large blood sac on the outside of the baby sac. So it doesn't directly affect the baby but it is known as a "threatened miscarriage" or an extra choronic bleeding. The doctor's analogy that he gave us was, "it's like putting up wallpaper and then half of it coming down". Ya, still not quite understanding but he wasn't too worried. He put me on bedrest until the new year. I can't exercise (so there goes the half marathon) pick up anything heavy, work or do the "deed" (hehe). This was not in my plan...not at all. I don't even have my christmas shopping done!!!! The last thing I want to hear is that I cannot do anything. I hate just sitting there and not be able to do anything. Especially because I do deal with depression a little and the less active I am the more the depression comes on. I honestly am a little afraid of my mood turning into a not so happy one but I am going to make the most of it. I guess this will be a good refresher and a little reatreat to get to know Jesus again and hangout with Him all the time. I won't be able to be busy...which is good and bad.
God has it all in control. Even the dr told us that we can't control what is going on in my body, only God can. So it's God's and I will rest because that is the best for this new baby!

New adventures*

Our life is always filled with new things which is what we've always prayed for. We don't want to live a mediocre life that is filled with repetition...being stuck on the couch and being lazy. Even though those days are quite nice sometimes. :) We are in escrow for a house that is unique and fits our family personality. I am so excited to move into our own place! I am also excited that we will be filling that house up pretty quickly. We've recently found out about a precious surprise that is on it's way. Yup, that's right...baby number 2 will be here in August! I an really excited because I have always wanted my kids to be close in age but I am a little confused with where God is taking us. I had the next few months all planned out in my head...but God had other plans (better ones). It's funny that I even let myself believe that what I planned for our lives was really going to happen. Oh ya God is in control...all the time, everyday. And I am perfectly content resting in that fact that God is taking care of me. :) It's tough trusting Him at times because I can't see the outcome but I have so much peace with not knowing and just trusting. :)

Some people might think we are crazy because we are having kids close in age but we are just being fruitful and multiplying ;)...you know like God told us to. Haha... I'm am so excited to be a mommy of 2 and eventually a mommy of so many more whether biological or foster or adopted. I am excited to hangout with this new little one that is growing inside of me. I am excited for Micah to be the best biggest brother and for our little family to grow. :)
God is up to something and it makes me smile!

Life*

Life...
Oh Lord have mercy! It has been quite a ride this past few weeks! There has been so much going on! But it has been good and humbling and a growing experience. I knew that our life was going to change when Micah came into the world but I really had no idea! I love being his mommy! And we are truly blessed to have a happy baby who loves people (just like his dad) And he loves doggies...thanks to Grandma's house!
There have been so many changes but in a good way!
-We are in escrow on a house in Santa Maria! woooo whooo!!! That means we will be moving out of my parents house and learning how to do life on our own without extra hands around the house to help. I think Micah will miss his nana and papa but I think nana and papa are going to miss having the little monster around all the time more! :(
-We are under new mentor pastors...who are amazing! I especially like how honest they are about our lives and how they have taken us under their wing and are helping us grow to our potential.
-We are training for a half-marathon...kinda...well we run when we can! :) Learning how to juggle being a wife, mommy, doing stuff at church and runnning has been the challenge lately. My excuse is that I don't feel like pushing Micah in his stroller but that is a lame excuse! I definitely want to get in shape, especially because I am not quite back to the same size as I was before. But it is challenging trying to figure out time with husband and baby and running. We are working on it, we might die when we run but it will all work out! ;)

I am so stoked to have our own place. I was very hesitant to buy a home because I didn't want to "settle" down and get comfortable. I didn't want to be satisfied with where we were at and miss what God was speaking to us about going somewhere else. I once heard a quote that said something along the lines of, "We say we are willing to go (somewhere for God) yet we live like we are staying around for a while." That hit me at that time in my life, in that moment I decided I am not going to get comfortable with my life, I don't want to settle down, I want to go anywhere God tells me to go. Yet, what I didn't realize is that would be a catalyst for a fear in my heart. When we were putting in the offer for this house that we are in escrow at, I was really unsure in my heart. I prayed about it and asked God if this really is for us? I told him why I don't want a house, because I don't want to "settle" down. And then he made me realize that I am hiding behind that "righteous thinking". I am using that as a way of not putting my whole heart into where we are at now. By telling myself that I did not want to settle, I was not pouring out to the things that God has put right in front of me. :( I can't believe I let that "righteous thinking" get in the way of me pouring out to others here and now. But I am glad that God pointed that out to me...I am so happy that we are able to move into a house of our own. I am excited to decorate the way I want to and be able to paint the walls any color I want. I am excited for the people who will come into our home and the neighbors that we will have.

God is so good, even when I am not. :)

At Thanksgiving :) He was pushing his cousins pink walker thingy!

Micah is getting big...well at least I think he is! He is 7 months old :) The doctor said he isnt the biggest kid on the block but he is average size for his age. He is so strong, it throws me off guard sometimes! He makes me crack up when we play together. He pulls himself up on everything and anything. He can stand on his own for 3 seconds at a time and I am pretty sure he wishes he was walking. He was a walker thingy that he can stand and push around...he is getting good at it. It reminds me of an old man with a walker. He understands "no" and its pretty cute when he listens to us. He is eating puffs on his own and he eyeballs are food all the time. If he could he would eat dinner right off of our plate! He seriously has so much energy I don't even know how Grandma takes it all day! He sleeps through the night...Praise JESUS!!! (most of the time) and he loves people...it makes me happy that he is already bringing joy to peoples lives!

We truly are blessed!

Lately*

Lately, it has been crazy! Learning new things about our marriage, taking on projects that are all happening around the same time and figuring out how to be a mommy at these new stages of Micah's life. It's funny I prayed for my capacity to get bigger, that I am able to put others first and help where I can instead of sitting in front of the tv watching Biggest Loser (which is one of my fav tv shows, I just watch it on demand now...forget commericals!) So God, being the God who answers prayers...dropped into my lap some important tasks to get done for our church. I am super excited and honestly it gives me a sense of purpose to be an important part of putting events together, but it can be overwhelming and a tad bit stressful at times. The thing I keep remembering is that God won't give me something that I can't do without his help. I am going to try my hardest to just merely be the vessel and let God work. I don't need to get stressed out, that is what Jesus dies for, so God can live through me, he died so I can be free of feeling burdened. That's how awesome and loving God is. :) I am going to try my hardest to not get stressed out and to just keep chugging along. I am going to look to him for energy, wisdom, discernment and strength.

Micah is pretty much crawling now :)
He is eating rice cereal now and loves it!
He is so happy...most of the time...
We are so blessed to have Micah as our son, we can only pray that the next one will be as good as this little guy!

We had a day off together...finally! So we went to San Luis Obispo to hangout and find Shelden some Vibram shoes for the half marathon. It was fun hanging out as a family especially now that Micah is developing his personality. We can play with him and make him laugh, he cracks up sometimes and it so adorable!

 daddy likes to use Micah as a weight to do ab exercises ;)

we were being silly in the dressing rooms...

13.1 Los Angeles Half Marathon

We officially registered for the 13.1 Los Angeles Half Marathon! eeeekkkk!!!! what the heck did I just do?!!! Its a great cause...we will be raising money for World Vision. All the money that we raise will go towards builing wells in Africa so that people can have clean water. Clean water is a necessity to life. Children die of common infections because they are drinking very dirty water. I have heard stories of people who have to walk more than 5 miles a day...every.single.day....in hopes that they will find water. And usually that water is not clean, we wouldnt even let our animals drink the water they drink. I am excited to raise money for something that I have a passion for and to have a fitness goal set in front of me. I am excited to get healthy and push myself. We only grow when we push ourselves to what we think are our limits. It's funny because I think that I have limits, but they are only in my head. God tells me I can do all things through him, who gives me strength.(philippians 4:13) Such an "over-used" verse....but if I really take to heart what that means, it is an amazing verse. God is telling me that there is no limits to what I can do, I can literally do anything! But through HIS strength, I can do nothing on my own...duh! But the same power that He used to raise Jesus from the dead (and thats kind of a big deal!) he will allow me to use so I can do anything for His glory. That means God is going to get the credit for my limitless abilities! woah! :)

I am excited now in this moment for this half marathon. But I know that as time goes on and we are training, running day in and day out, I am going to get tired of it. I am going to get cranky and I am going to want to give up. I am going to cheat on my diet plan and I probably will miss a couple of training days. But I am looking forward to the end, to finishing that race. Hmmm....kind of like this life. I should be looking forward to the end...to the day I get to meet Jesus and hopefully hear Him say, "well done good and faithful servant"  This race will be not about myself but about bringing clean water to those who don't have it....the moment I make it about me, I will be more apt to quiting. I am tired of living this life about me...I want to live like Jesus did. Gahhh...that is a very difficult thing to do!

 running so...

 they can have this

world vision said that for every mile we run...its like giving 2 kids clean water!

Montana de Oro*

We both had a day off for Labor Day! woo whoo! So we decided to take a little hike. Shelden had never been to Montana de Oro. It is a beautiful spot with a lot of hiking trails. It was fun to get out and be a family. Micah did so good too, he didn't fuss or cry. He just enjoyed the scenery and the outdoors. :) I love hanging out with my little family!

missing Micah*

I think I have become a little more sad each day that I don't get to be with Micah. I am so grateful for my mother in law being able to watch him. But everyday that I drop him off I am sad. I don't know what God is doing in this season of our lives. What also made it more difficult is that last week we found out at work that we do not get a day off anymore during the week. That really bummed me out as I look forward to spending a day with my husband and my child, but now Shelden and I do not have one day off together as a family. I am grateful that I have a job and I actually do like my job. But my heart is with Micah. I want to raise him and hangout with him, watch him learn to do new things and watch him grow up into a man of God.
I was hoping that during my maternity leave that there would be a way finacially where I did not have to go back to work. It's funny, I grew up never wanting to be a stay at home mom. I always thought it was wierd when girls said they wanted to stay home with their children. But now I want to do that, I want to be a mom who gets to stay home with the kids.

We are praying into what God has for us, to look past what culture tells us we should do and to seek out what God wants. I can't live in fear of stepping out in faith. Faith is believing in something we cannot see.
We want to live a counter-culture life. So I shouldnt be surprised when people don't agree with how we raise our baby, or live our lives. Jesus was counter-culture...and I want to be like him.

Self Righteousness and Pride...Yuck!*

Before we moved into my parents house (which has been such a blessing...but thats a whole other blog post) we used to listen to Mark Driscoll the Pastor of  Mars Hill Church. Every morning we would play a message while we got ready for work. We haven't been listening to them as much because we've been busy playing mommy and daddy and the routine of living on our own has changed a little since we moved into my parents. The other morning, Shelden turned on a message...oh man was I in for working on my heart before the day even started. Pastor Mark was talking about righteousness and works righteousness and truth righteousness. He is a passionate speaker that hits relevant issues and doesn't care if he offends people with the truth of the gospel. I like the way he preaches because he unveils the Word for what it really is saying. This day and age we are so consumed with being careful about everyones "rights" and what we can and can't say. Because of this the American church has forgotten that the Word God gave us is offensive to this world.
Anyways...Pastor Mark was talks about the story Jesus tells in Luke 18:9-14. He talks about how we spend too much time comparing ourselves to others instead of to Jesus. He talked about those who see themselves better than others. And my heart dropped as I am guilty of looking at others and feeling better about myself. Pastor Mark talks about how God gives us compassion for others yet we turn it around and have contempt on people, it might be for a specific group of people. I am guilty of doing that very thing...and I hate it. I look down on certain people because I have judged them before knowing who they truly are. Pastor Mark pointed out two verses on how God feels about me bringing him this unrighteousness. Isaiah 64:6 talks about how it is like a dirty feminie rags and Philippians 3:8 says its like animal dung. Works righteousness is me thinking that my doing good and being in a leadership position is giving God a pretty wrapped up box but when he opens it gets a pile of nasty rags and literally crap. He isn't pleased with that, that doesn't smell good to Him, He doesn't want to be near that. ouch....that seriously breaks my heart that I actually think I am better than someone else. No one is better than another. We have all sinned and fallen short....but there is hope. I can only please God by allowing Jesus to work through me. Jesus' blood covers me....God sees me through Jesus.
Then to nail it in...Pastor Rob talked about pride this morning. He covered pretty much the same thing as Pastor Mark did in his message. Self righteousness (works righteousness)  which is the same as pride because they both put me first...is detestable to the Lord. James 4:6 says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."  Ummm...I do not want to be in oppostion of God. I like how Pastor Rob put it this morning, "When I can only feel good about myself when I am feeling good about myself, then I am a captive to feeling good about myself, and the only hope for me is to always...feel good about myself!" Here is the big idea: ITS NOT ABOUT ME!!!

Sometimes it seems like I am so far off from being anywhere near acceptable to God. There is always something to work on and an attitude to adjust, but that is what makes God so amazing. He has poured out his grace on me...I do not have to be perfect, Jesus is perfect and that is how God sees me, through Jesus. I am acceptable through Christ.

Days off*

I love having days off with my husband and baby! :) With Shelden's new fulltime job and me going back to work, we do not have the weekends to hangout with each other. We only have one day off together so we try to make the most of it. We went to Olive Garden for lunch, and headed up to SLO. The weather was beautiful!!! It's been quite the learning experience taking Micah with us everywhere we go (in a good way!). We've been learning what his capacity level is and how long he can be out and about before getting exhausted. We got to sit outside on the grass by the old Mission in SLO. Micah was satisfied and just hanging out with us as we enjoyed the nice weather. It was relaxing to kickback and talk about life with my man. We talked about how blessed we are in our lives. We have it so good and we agreed that we do not want to loose our perspective on how good our lives are. We both are employed, we have a healthy little boy, my parents are allowing us to stay with them so we can save for a house, Micah has grandparents from both sides that are involved in his life (which is really rare these days), we get to serve in an amazing church that loves people and puts God first, we have great friends, and the list goes on and on and on! I am so thankful for where we are at. Hearing about all these horrible things that are happening in the world today does break my heart but it also reminds me about how blessed I am and how I should not be complaining about something as dumb as not wanting to get up for work in the morning. Thank you God for pouring out on our lives!

 we noticed how small he looked compared to daddy's flip flop :)

The kicker today:
Shelden has to go to LA tomorrow for a class for his job. Usually when employees go to a class they get to take a nice BMW that they usually loan out to customers when they are getting work done on their cars. So we were excited that he got to take a really nice car...except for they did not have any BMW's available because they were all out on loan to customers. They told shelden he had to rent a car. Okay, that won't be too bad because he could still get a pretty nice ride to take to LA. Well....lo and behold what was awaiting him was a brand spankin' new Ford Fiesta! haha...talk about humility! Haha...we laughed the rest of the day about the good ol fiesta, its electric blue and the dashboard looks like optimus prime from transformers. We are still laughing about it as I am writing this. It's just funny that he went from a 7series BMW to a Ford Fiesta!

 7 series BMW

vs.

Ford Fiesta

haha...only some minor differences ;)

Dedicating Micah*

Today we got to dedicate our little baby. :) It makes my heart happy just thinking about it again! We invited our families to come and be a part of it and it was wonderful to see 3 1/2 rows filled up with people we love so much! The whole point in dedicating Micah to God is to publically say we will try our best to raise him up to be a man of integrity, who loves God with his whole heart. It brings a new level of accountability when you stand in front of your church and your family proclaiming to raise this baby up in the House of the Lord.
I am still in awe of the fact that we get to raise Micah and teach him about this God we love and serve. I can't wait to see the expression of wonder and excitement on his face when he understands the Bible stories we read to him. Or the day he truly understands what Jesus did for him. Micah is going to do extraordinary things for God, I believe it with all of my heart. I am raising a man who will go out to all the nations and tell the world about God's love. I need to remember this as tough times come,when he starts to grow up into those teenager years, or when he thinks I don't understand the things he is going through, or the first time he brings home a girl...yikes! God has Micah's whole life in his hands. And my heart is secure in knowing that the God of this universe is in control of my son's life.
We had a little taco party afterward to hangout and celebrate! It was a lot fun talking and catching up with family and friends. I am so grateful that my parents have been so generous in letting us use their house not only to celebrate, but for us to live in and raise our first child. They have been such a big help! I love that our child has both sets of grandparents deeply involved in his life. And I am thankful that they both love Jesus and will help raise Micah in a Christ centered atmosphere.
God has blessed us tremendously!

 with cousin Riley

 thanks auntie Holly for the toms!

 because who doesn't like a candy bar?

 we have leftovers for the rest of the week... :)

 he loves talking to amber...just a hello from her gets a huge smile and a conversation

zonked out after a long day of hanging out with everyone! :)

The Challenge*

A week ago I was still feeling not so great about my jeans and work clothes not fitting the way they used to. Obviously I have had quite a big change in my life that did wonders to my body!...I actually don't mind the stretch marks...they remind me of how amazing the whole process was of a little being forming inside of me and now he is out in this world and has changed our lives forever :) But I do not like not being able to button my workpants...and it makes me realize how small I was before. The perspective check is nice, realizing what my body really was like instead of what I thought it looked like in the mirror but honestly it is a little depressing not being able to button anything yet. I was talking to my wonderful and supportive husband about my discouragement. So he gave me a challenge: loose 10lbs in August. At first I was like ummm...that's not even healthy! But that was just my excuse to not try hard. He told me, shoot for 10lb, if you loose 8lbs, that's awesome or if you loose less that is awesome too! As long as I am trying my hardest and not giving up. I am kind of excited for the little challenge. I have it written on my calendar "Shelden's 10lb Challenge" I honestly don't care if I loose 10lbs. I won't be disapointed if I don't loose 10lbs...I just needed someone to tell me that I my body is worth me giving my 100%.  I was slowly loosing my motivation to workout but having a goal always helps me push to where I should be.
we will see what happens at the end of the month....
I am excited to get in the gym and be active...being healthy makes life more enjoyable! :)

Anniversaries and Birthdays*

We recently celebrated our 2 year anniversary!!! yay!!! :) and also Shelden's birthday! I love my husband so much and it feels like we have been together longer than 2 years (in a good way!). He listens to me and respects me, he goes out of his way to make sure that I feel loved. It's crazy that we are celebrating our 2 year anniversary with a 3 month old baby. Micah is an added joy to our life! He is getting so big, so fast!

I am so glad that God put me and Shelden together. We work so well together and he brings the best out of me. He is a great example of putting God first in everything that he does. I am excited to see where God takes us in the next few years. We have vowed to each other to not get complacent in an ordinary life, where we work, come home, eat dinner and watch tv, go to bed and then only go to church on sunday. We want to live a life where we are pushed to our God given capacity. It won't always be easy and not everyone will support us but we aren't promised an "easy and comfortable" life. We want to live life to the fullest!
Jesus said, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

I love my life with my hubby!

 Our date started at the yummiest mexican restaurant Las Cazuelas

 then we sat on the swings at avila beach and waited for our appointment at Sycamore Springs

 we got our own natural hot spring spa tub called "enchantment"...it was so relaxing and romantic

if you are married and live near avila beach I recommend hanging out at Sycamore Springs! ;)

 we are trying to teach Micah how to roll over...he gets as far as getting up on his forearms

so stinkin' cute!

 Daddy trying to teach Micah how to roll over

Happy Birthday to my man!!! owe owe!!

time to Process*

Isn't funny how God likes to meet you where you are at? Or how he likes to bring things up even though we put it to the side thinking that we will deal with it a little later. Even though in the moment I get frustrated or upset because I don't want to deal with it, a little later I will remember that God brings hard things up because He loves me that much. He loves me that much to make me push through the tough stuff so I can become a better woman.
This morning I woke up insecure. Anything and everything I put on was not fitting right and I felt drab, I did not have time to finish doing my hair the way I wanted  it done nor did I have time to put on make up. Being on ministry teams on Sunday usually puts us in front of everyone to pray for others or whatever we are needed for. So Sunday I like to be a little bit more "put together" because we are representing the church. But not today! I decided to worship in the car and pray against the insecurity. I was feeling a little better I stepped into church. Pastor Sean was preaching today and guess what he was talking about....IDENTITY! Haha...oh God, you know exactly what I need to hear don't cha?! A little perfect huh?
Well going back to last month at this time I was at the Godchicks conference in LA. They talked a lot about who we are in Christ. Sheila Walsh who is an amazing speaker and has an amazing testimony asked us a question, "Who are you?" She said there was a point in her life where she could not answer that question. I kind of thought it was a silly question...but as she kept talking, I thought okay then Michelle, who are you? And I drew a blank...

I could not answer that question. I read my Bible and I can say what I am supposed to say who I am in Christ. But I have been living my life not really believing who God says I am. Umm...this is kind of a big deal! I have been a "christian" pretty much my whole life. I know the Bible and I serve in a leadership type position at my church...and yet I can't tell who I am in Christ. Woah! Something is not right here. Another speaker at the conference, Christine Cain...this woman is legit! She asked the question, "What is it that is stopping you from believing who you are in Christ?" That's an honest question. I don't have this great answer, I don't have a super traumatic thing that has happend in my life that I need to work through. What is stopping me from believing who I am in Christ is...myself. My selfish desires and fear of man. Selfishness is the root of insecurity. I am looking at me...not at God. If I was to look to God, I wouldn't be insecure. Of course I am going to be insecure if I look at myself, I am nothing, I am worthless, I am broken beyond repair. But that is how great God is! He makes me something, he makes me worthwhile and he can heal my brokeness! Now, the question is, am I willing enough to lay down my selfish pride so he can work through me?

I think it will take a little bit of time to really nail it in my head who I am in Christ. I can already see a change with how I think. God has spoken to me while I am looking in the mirror, He has called me beautiful and told me that I am perfect. I need to believe him when he speaks.

Who am I?

I am his masterpiece

I am his bride

I am perfect

I am free

beautiful

his daughter

his favorite one

good enough

adored

loved

honored

cherished

lovable

i am woth it

blameless

chosen

wonderfully made

sought after

made in his image

capable

elegant

confident

precious

flawless

I am his beloved

Tuesday*

Our little man is sick! :( What a bummer for him, I was holding him and then next thing you know there is snot hanging out of his little nose! Poor little guy, coughing and feeling like poop! We had tuesday off together...wooo whooo!!! So we thought we would go to the Healing Rooms and get our little man prayed for. The Healing Rooms is where they pray for anyone and everyone, you show up and they have live worship then they call your name and you go into a room and they pray for you. There has been miracles that have happened there...so whynot take our little sickie-poo! I felt kind of bad because here were a bunch of people that I am sure were going through some tough stuff...and Micah is crying and being a little bit of a distraction. Then they were done playing worship and put on some low key, reflective type worship. Don't worry Micah just finished eating so its only natural for him to let out a huge burp! haha...Shelden and I just looked at each other and started to laugh...you know the silent type of laughing because everyone was super quite and waiting their turn to get prayed for. haha..that kid is too cute!
So it was our turn to get prayer for him and the people were so nice! They started to pray for him and Micah loved every minute of it! He was smiling at them and cooing back, he was all about this prayer place! The ladies got a kick out of him and how he loved their prayers! It was a joy to watch him intrigued by these prayer warriors...and I believe in my heart that Micah already knows what God's presence feels like!
If you live in Santa Maria, I firmly suggest that you make a visit over to the Healing Rooms, its not a wierd, crazy place. It is a place of faithful people who love Jesus and want to see people healed from physical and emotional struggles.You should check it out! Why not get prayer? Jesus said all you got to do is ask! :)

http://www.healingroomssmv.com/ check out the website for times! :)

Determined*

I got a flyer/invitation in the maill to participate in a half marathon or marathon for a luekemia cure. At first I was like no I won't do that. But then I started to look at it and I thought, it acutally is a good idea to run for a cause. I hate running! I am learning to love it as my husband is a great cross country runner and loves it. Since I had Micah, I have been trying to hit the gym as much as possible to get rid of this extra belly. I am determined to fit in my pre-prego jeans! I am not going to buy jeans that fit me because I don't want to settle into those jeans. It's not that I am not confident, I just want to be in the best shape that I can be in. I don't want to settle for living a mediocre life and feeling tired and unhealthy. So this half marathon would be a goal I could look to. It is always easier having a goal to look to when I am trying to loose a couple of pounds. I got all excited for this half marathon and signed up and then realized its on a date that I am going to be out of town for a wedding! Big bummer!!! But now I have a found a new motivation for hitting the gym. I know that my body is capable of so much (having a baby proved that!). I just have to put my mind to it. I have to convince myself that I can do a half marathon, and one day a marathon! But for now I need to train to be in the best shape possible, for my own health, to honor my husband and because my body is God's temple. My body is God's dwelling place...why wouldn't I take of something so important.

:) time to go to the gym and zumba it up!

The Beach*

We took Micah to the beach earlier in the week, it was his second time there but the first time that he got to put his feet in the sand and ocean water! :) It's so fun playing mommy and daddy! The weather was beautiful and mommy got to tan a little bit...very much needed on her part! I miss having a job where I get to be outside in the sun all day long and hanging out with kids...aka Hume Lake.
Being back at work was an easier transition than I thought it would be. It really hasn't been a big deal leaving Micah with his grandma during the day while I go to work. And he has made an easy transistion with it as well. He is laid back like his parents...hopefully he will stay that way! God is so good! Shelden is doing awesome at BMW and I like my job at Coasthills. We are saving up for a house, so hopefully we will find one for a good price! :) I am excited to see what God is going to do!
Have a great weekend!!!

of course we took a little video to capture the moment ;)

yes, dad has an awesome farmers tan

and micah liked the water after we put his feet in a couple of times...he just had to get used to it.

im pretty sure he will love the beach like his parents do!

mommy and daddy

 he is so cute when he smiles!



the recent trial*

I think its really sad how many thousands upon thousands of people have become passionately involved with this recent Casey Anthony trial. I haven't been following it too much, just hearing what the news reports about it. It made me sad to see how mad people were about the verdict of "not guilty". I mean people were very upset about it. There is even a facebook group about how people think the verdict was wrong. Why do we as humans get so involved with stuff like this? I think it is because we naturally want justice. I firmly believe in justice but it has become so twisted in this world. It's twisted due to the fallen world we live in. It is just so interesting how we get so involved with one person, and get wrapped up in the drama. I do not know if she really is guilty or innocent, only God knows. And he is the ulitmate judge of this. He is the ultimate judge of us. If we are so disgusted with what most people are convinced with what she has done, we should also be disgusted with ourselves. Every sin weighs the same. There is no sin that is greater than another. To go even further Jesus tells us that even if we hate someone in our heart that is the same as murdering someone! Woah!
Jesus loves this woman and died on the cross for her sins at the same time as all of ours.

If we as humans want justice so bad we should open our eyes to what is really going on in this world. Why don't we get passionate about the sex trafficking that is going on, the millions of girls who are being bought and sold as sex slaves?  Why don't we get passionate about the thousands of kids who are being taken away from thier families and beaten until they become child soliders? Why don't we get passionate about children dying everyday due to not having clean water?  Instead we get so caught up in one woman who may or may not have done something that weighs the same as the wrong things we do everyday. If only we opened our eyes to the things going on in this world, instead of sitting on the couch getting wrapped up in drama and then yelling at the television because something didn't happen the way we think it should happen.

Maybe thats what Satan wants? He wants us to be distracted by the things that leave us on the couch and complacent. What if we all got up and spoke up for the masses? What if we lived a life where we let God truly live through us?

Just a thought.

back to work*

Today is my last Friday that I get to be with my baby. I can't believe it is already time for me to go back to work. I am excited because I get to get out of the house and have a little bit of a routine but I am going to miss my Micah! He is laying on my chest asleep as I write...I am going to miss these times during the day. But thank God that both of our families live in town. Shelden's mom agreed to watch him while I work. It's cool that his both sets of grandparents will have an influence in his life as he grows up. And both grandparents love Jesus and will be good examples to him. That is rare these days and that is something I need to remember to be thankful for. It is amazing that I have a son and God has entrusted me to raise him. I can only pray and hope in God that he will grow up to be a man after God's heart.

Micah is 11 weeks old today! woah!
its so much fun watching him grow and learn new things. He has been cooing back like he is talking to us. It makes me crack up because sometimes his face gets so serious when he talks back to us.I love this little guy so much! :)

so serious!

looking forward to friday*

Tomorrow I get to wake up super duper early to drive to LA for GODchicks! I am so excited to see what God is going to do. And I am excited to hangout with some awesome women from my church...I definetly can use some girl time! It's great timing too, because I go back to work the first week of July. So it will be a nice refresher before figuring out what life will be like going back to work, the baby, and shelden working fulltime now.

It's going to be a little weird not having Micah with me...but is it bad that I am a little excited for a break? I think its healthy to be away from the baby for a short time every once in a while. I don't want to be the mom who can't let my child go. I want Micah to be God's not mine. Hannah in the Bible literally gave her son Samuel to God. He then at a young age heard God's voice and became a prophet. He had a key role in the Israelities conquering the Philistines. Because of Samuel's prayers, "But that day the Lord thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic that they were routed before the Israelites." -1 Samuel 7:10 What if Hannah didn't want to obey God and decided to keep him, and shelter him and not let him out of her sight? Maybe the Philistines would have slaughtered the Israelites, God's chosen people. Because of Hannah's obedience, her one choice to give up her son, changed history. I want to make decisions that will change history. I want to raise Micah to be a warrior after God's heart.
I will miss him like crazy, and his cute little face will be popping up in my mind throughout the day for sure! But it will be that much sweeter when I get to hug his little body and kiss his little cheeks when I get home! :)



last night's thoughts*

Last night we were at our church's worship workshop night. They were teaching and practicing a song called "The Great I Am". It is such a powerful song. As they were practicing this over and over again I started to think. I was bred for greatness. I was built for God's glory. I was made an the image of greatness, the almighty,excellence and perfection. Why would I settle for anything less than everything that I can give? I was made to bring God glory. He has given me his power. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead. Why don't I tap into that? Maybe that is exactly what Satan wants me to forget. He wants me to forget who I am in Christ and the power I have in God. I would be unstoppable if I would really understood who I am in God. My identity should be in God. NOTHING LESS.

I didn't know how to put the song on here from YouTube so it's on the post before this if you want to listen to the song...its quite beautiful and inspiring! :)

New Life Worship - Great I Am

identity*

Being a new mommy is hard. Especially when the horomones are still going crazy and trying to settle back to what is "normal". I am still feeling insecure about my body, even though I am just shy of fitting comfortably back into my regular clothes. Shelden always tells me how beautiful I am but I didn't realize how hard it was going to be after giving birth to love my body. But Shelden loves me and calls me beautiful, stretch marks and all. I guess its all a apart of being a woman and a mother. Honestly it is a battle everyday when I look in the mirror and step on the scale. I hope that magically over night I will drop 5lbs and be back to my normal weight now. I probably shouldn't get on the scale for a while! And I need to remember that it took 9 months to put this weight on, it will most likely take 9 months or more to get it off. But there is something inside of me that wants to prove that wrong and loose the weight asap. I need to be realistic in my goals and give myself a good amount of time to get back in shape.
I think the real problem is that I don't truly identify myself in God. If my identity was really in Him, I wouldn't battle this everyday. All that would matter is that I am His and He is mine. That He loves me just as I am because my heart is for Him. Before I was pregnant I prided myself in my body because I worked hard for it. I loved going to the gym and getting a good workout, I constantly was lifting weights and on a good workout schedule, going to spin class and working up a good sweat. I went while I was preggie...(definetly got some funny looks then) and now I am trying to figure out how to go regularly with Micah around. Getting on a good workout schedule is great for my mind and body but I shouldn't be identifying myself with that. My body is dying everyday due to living in a fallen world. I should love the body God gave me and take care of it to the best of my ability but not see myself through it. My body will fail me, no doubt. But God will NEVER fail me, he never has in the past and never will in the future. My God is for me, not against me. He wants to see me prosper not fail.
So what does it look like to find who I am in Christ?...to make God my identity?
Simply to keep my eyes on Him and off of myself. ugh...so easy yet hard at the same time. I need to saturate my mind in His Word, so that when my flesh wants to tell me things that make me insecure I can quickly fight back with truth. I remember in our marraige counseling, our Pastor told me that as a leader, there is no room for insecurity. And it is so true for anyone who loves and lives for Jesus. We are new in Him, we should not leave any room for insecurity. We should let the Spirit fill every part of us so that there is no room for antything but Him. No, my body will not change over night. Yes, my mind can be renewed in Christ. It will just take work...it will take preparing for that mind battle when it comes to looking in the mirror everyday.
God never said it was going to be easy...its in the struggle that I lean on Him the most. I just have to lean all my weight on Him, not just 40% of it.
mmmm....God is good.

 Daddy thought it would be funny to put his glasses on him...

 6 weeks old

haha...I don't know if he likes my kisses or if they make him cry :)

A little Marriage Trust*

Lately I have been wanting to get my hair cut. I rarely get it done and it has been like 6 or 7 months since its been cut. I am just cheap when it comes to stuff like that! So Shelden and I were just talking the other day and I was telling him how I need to get my hair done and jokingly suggested that maybe he should just cut it because I am cheap. I was half serious and half joking. Shelden cuts his hair all the time and does a really good job! I know cutting long hair is a little different then triming up a short man's hair...but it sounded kind of fun to let him try! :) We agreed that if he messed it up that I could go spend money on getting it fixed. It was a win win situation, either he does a good job and we don't spend any money or he messes it up and I go get it done and it looks great. Either way I would have spent the money to get it done so might as well let him try right? hehe..
My parents came home as we were about to start and they were like what the heck are you doing!?! My mom said "you are only going to cut like a little bit right?",making her fingers show us about an inch. (He ended up taking about 4 in off) And my dad walked by and said, "I've never touched your mother's hair!" haha...I think they were afraid for me! But I made sure my mom knew we watched a tutorial online about it, ha! because that makes us professionals after watching a video online about it!
We joked about how it really takes trust between us to let him cut my hair. A girl's hair is pretty important to how she feels about her looks. If you get a bad haircut, it's kind of a big deal! It really did take some trust for me to let him cut my hair, it wasn't a big deal when we first started but as time went by and hair was falling to the ground, I was a little nervous! It took communicating through it and not being afraid to offend the other by being honest. It was a good little trust exercise! :)
He did an awesome job!...I figured he would, he is good at everything! :)

 Before

kinda scary with the scissors huh?

 it was a process...

 After...not so bad eh?

no, it's not perfect but its better than spending $100 bucks!