Mommy Life*

Life has been crazy since little Joshua has made his debut! But its all good stuff that is going on in our lives. I have been wanting to blog but taking care of two little guys has kept me busy. And our computer has taken a turn for the worse :( Micah thought it was funny to pop up keys from the keyboard so currently I am missing my ENTER button, my SHIFT button and my up direction button, my < button is about to fall off. We wish we could afford a Macbook or something along those lines, especially because Shelden and I could sync our calendars together and when I do an update I won't lose ALL my contacts, pictures and videos!
Anywhoooo....
I still can't believe that I am raising two little baby boys that are mine. Shelden and I look at each other when both of them are crying and say "welcome to reality". Even though some days truly suck, yes I am serious, sometimes those days include two fussy-for-no-reason boys mixed with a messy house, nothing out thawing for dinner, and a minimum wage check.  Yet, I love this life that God has blessed us with. I really would not trade it for anything. I do have to be honest, right after Joshua was born there were a couple of events we were invited to but had to leave early or not go because of the little guys and I was feeling a little jealous of the "no-kids life". I just wanted to do what I wanted to do and not have to worry about when baby's next feeding was. In the midst of me trying to figure out what my role is in raising my sons, my mom bought me a book. It's called "Be the Mom" by Tracey Lanter Eyster. It is a Focus on the Family book. It seriously is so good. It has helped me identify, what the author calls "mom traps" so that I can raise my boys without getting caught up in my selfishness. It has made it very clear that it is my job as a mom to raise these boys for greatness and that starts by my attitude. I need to keep myself in check before keeping them in check. They will imitate my attitude, my behavior, my reactions to situations, my relationship with Jesus and how I love others. WoW! that is quite an important job just those few things. The only way that I will be able to do those things well is to put God first, to know his Word by reading it everyday and to know him by praying and talking to him everyday. That is so foundational. If I don't have a relationship with God then I don't have anything. And that is the truth! I'm preaching to myself right now!
I can't do anything right without God. And that's straight from scripture! "Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Micah is 1 1/2 years old now and is learning about 2 new words every week. Its so cute when he says new words, it will literally be at a random time when we are hanging out and playing. I'll say a word to him over and over again and try to have him say it and he just keeps doing what he is doing. Then the next day we are watching Dora, his new favorite show, and he will randomly blurt out the word I was teaching him the day before. I love that little munchkin! He evens says, Josh...too cute! He loves his brother, he is always giving Joshie hugs and resting his head on him even though it squishes the little guy. It will make Joshua tough ;)
Joshua will be 3 months on the 1st of November. He is wearing 6 month clothing....can anyone say "Big Boy!" He is very strong and loves to talk to people. He coos all the time and smiles at anyone who talks to him. He will even talk to his brother when Micah is in his face and hugging him...I think this is a great start to their close relationship!

Times can get crazy at home and my patience can run low but that is why I have to pray in every moment. God is faithful to help me calm down in the moment and expand my capacity to give more grace. I do love my life and I want to live it to the full. I don't just want to go through life, I want to thrive.
If you are a mommy, whether you stay home or not you should totally grab this book! It is super practical and the author is honest about her life.

Finally*

Joshua Anthony Flowers is finally here!!! And I actually have a minute to blog about it...this is a rare moment! Joshua was born on August 1st at 12:49am. He was 8lbs 15oz and 21 3/4 inches long. He has chubby little cheeks and long toes, he is beautiful and I still can't believe we have two little guys!

Tuesday, July 31st, I went into the doctors for a checkup and I was 4 1/2cm dilated, I was hoping she would tell me to go straight to the hospital because the baby was coming but she just said that when I felt the contractions to go straight to the hospital because he was going to come quick. So we went home and texted a friend. She said that I should do some squats...so Shelden made me do a bunch of squats! We were sitting at the table talking and laughing about how I wanted a Mcflurry from Mcdonalds and then I felt my water break. I was like uhhhh.....I think that was my water!!! I was super excited and nervous because that means I was going to have this baby. We went to the hospital and they confirmed that it was my water. I was admitted into a room and we just sat and waited for consistent contractions to come. We sat there for 6 hours, walking around the maternity floor, doing more squats and watching the Olympics. Finally the doctor came in and said my water probably didn't break all the way. So he broke my water....then it was on!!! My contractions came on pretty quick after that and they came on strong! I was frustrated that he didn't break my water fully sooner because I really don't like staying in the hospital but it is what it is. I had previously talked to my doctor about going all natural without any drugs because of a previous horrible experience I had with the epidural with Micah. There is nothing that helps with the pain of childbirth that is not invasive. And I was so fearful that the same thing would happen again. So my only option was to forgo drugs and go all natural. I definitely was scared.
Because of the new hospital that was built, I had a room with a tub in it. I hopped into the tub to ease the pain of the contractions but I am not sure if that really helped. It just hurt and I started to doubt myself. Shelden was such an amazing encouragement! He was there for me through the whole process. He talked me through each of my contractions and I am so thankful for him. I really don't think I could have done it without him there. Both my parents were there in the room as well. They were so supportive and took good care of me. I am so glad they were there as well! It was time to get out of the tub so the nurse could check how far I was dilated. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I started to lose focus. But shelden was there to keep me on track. The nurse gave me some tricks and helped me with my breathing. There was a couple of times that I said, "Shelden, I don't think I can do this." But he reassured me that this is what I was made to do this. Finally, it was time to push and I told myself this little baby is going to come out quick! It was only a matter of about 5-6 pushes and he was out. It was such a relief to have him out! I said out loud, "Thank you JESUS!" Thank you GOD!" and then I told my dad, I don't think I am going to have anymore, I am going to adopt. He just laughed at me.
Looking back I think that it wasn't too bad, but I know that in the moment it was really tough to get through those contractions. I kept saying out loud, "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this" I just said that over and over again during my contractions. It really was liberating to give birth all natural and I am so glad that I did! It really was an amazing experience...and I am really glad it is over!
I am fortunate enough to have an amazing friend who is a great photographer. She was there during the whole labor and birth and captured it through her lens. She was a great support and I am so glad she was there. Here is a picture video she made of Joshua's arrival. Thanks Amber! You are wonderful! Just click on the link...

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Due Date*

Tomorrow is the official due date of this little baby!
I really didn't think we would make it this far...I thought he would be here by now! But what I have come to realize is that God has a birthdate for him. He has a specific day for him to be born and even though I would love to control that, I can't!
I definitely am so ready to get rid of this prego belly and meet our little boy!
Hopefully this little guy will make his arrival tonight...that would be nice! But I am prepared to go past my due date even though my body is having a hard time keeping up.

*3 Year Anniversary!*

Today is our 3 year anniversary! wooo whooo!!! I totally thought we would have baby number 2 by today but he is still in the oven cooking away! Three years seems like a good amount and sounds like nothing compared to my parents 30th wedding anniversary coming up next month! There is so much that has happened in the last 3 years, it definitely has gone by fast.
Within 3 years of marriage we have:
-lived in 4 different places (apartment, condo, my parents, and our own house)
-we had our first baby
-became homeowners
-basically remodeled our new home
-owned 6 different vehicles (4runner, honda, mazda,ranger, gmc and our passat)
-Shelden restored a '79 honda 185T (we are selling it...let us know if you are interested!)
-Shelden started his own business NewLight Co. and sold it
-I became a stay at home momma
-Shelden started fulltime at BMW/VW and got a promotion
-we became pregnant again
-had 2 different roomates (Shout out to Matt and Brookie!)


It definitely has been one change after the next, I used to look for things to settle down and level out in our life but that really hasn't happened. Our lives are about to change again as we are anticipating the arrival of Joshua Anthony Flowers. The last few nights I thought there was a chance he was coming but obviously he is not here. It still is a little surreal that we will have 2 boys running around. I really feel like a mom now that I will have 2 kids, it is going to take me to a whole new level of selflessness. I really had no idea what our life would look like together when we said "I do" three years ago. I was just so ready to be married to my best friend and share everything with him. I had no idea we would be on our 2nd child by now and living in our own place. I am so thankful for the tough times that God has taken us through. I am thankful that we both fight for this marriage and to love God first. God has weeded out insecurities and selfishness in us and is continuing to weed out more things. I am so thankful for my husband, he never ceases to amaze me with hidden talents and random knowledge he has. I am so proud of him for working so diligently at his job. God has taught him so much about himself through his job and I love watching him grow. Shelden is such a great dad, I can see in Micah's eyes how much he adores Shelden. No one can make Micah laugh like his daddy does. I can't wait to see where God will take us in the next 5, 10 and 15 years. It is such an adventure to obey God and I am so very thankful that my husband fears and loves the Lord.

 Dating '08

 the night he proposed

 our wonderful wedding day

 then came Micah

now we are waiting for Joshua to hangout with us...



Love me some Labor*

No! I am not in labor yet!!! But I know I will be getting there soon!!! Last week we went to the doctor and he said I am already dilated 2cm and that the head is low. Also, he said that the baby will probably come in a couple of weeks. This week I found out that I am mildly anemic. Which makes sense why I have been so tired lately! It is totally my fault though because I have been really really forgetful about taking my prenatal vitamin. He prescribed me to taking Iron twice a day and my prenatal vitamin everyday and said that will get my blood count back up in time for when the baby makes his debut.
I have been looking up different pain medications for when I go into labor. I am kind of disappointed because all I have found is the epidural, spinal tap and morphine. I am so fearful of getting an epidural again. I had horrible side effects from it and my first week home with Micah was awful! I could not take care of him the way a new mommy should be able to. My doctor keeps reassuring me that it is only a 1% chance of getting spinal headaches (which is what I suffered) with an epidural. But I cannot see myself getting one again! I really don't want such an invasive pain medication. So out goes the spinal tap because that is more invasive then the epidural. And I really rather not be doped up on morphine, plus that will affect little baby. Really, my only option right now is going all natural, and honestly that still scares me a bit! I know my body was made to do this, God made me strong enough to take it but I am still a little bit nervous. I am nervous that I will go to my default and quit in the midst of pain. I am so good at quitting or not giving my 100% in the middle of something difficult. Luckily, I have a handsome and awesome husband that is willing to push me to my best potential. He reminds me all the time that I am strong enough to deliver this baby without drugs. And I know he will do such a good job of coaching me and encouraging me through laboring.
I am excited to have this little guy! Honestly, I am excited to not be pregnant anymore! But I am more excited to add another flowers boy to the bunch. I am excited to see how Micah reacts to this new little baby in our home and how they will grow up to be best friends. Well, we are praying that they will be best friends!
Almost there!!! Praise Jesus!

You are Not Alone*

I was praying yesterday for our Generation Church, which is our youth group we help out with. I was asking God for something to share with our group of kids. The night ended without the chance of me being able to speak about it and it is still on my heart today.

One of the enemies biggest lies that we believe is: "You are Alone."

God wants you to know that you are NOT alone! I've previously struggled with loneliness, especially during the newness of being a stay at home mommy. I felt like no one was around and unfortantely twisted it to blaming my husband for not being home enough. Yet, he was working and making the means for us to own our first house and feed our first baby. I know what it is like to feel that depression and frustration of "no one" being around. I just wanted a friend. I just wanted to talk to someone. I did not want my husband to go to work and I wanted him to come home early. I would get so frustrated that he had to stay later at work. I finally came to realize that his customers are the ones paying our bills. There is no other income.

Satan wants us to believe that we are alone. When in fact, we are not. Do we realize how many others are feeling the same way? What if all us lonely people got together, then we wouldn't be so lonely right? Satan works by creating a gap between people. If he gets people out of relationship with each other then he is on the right path. Just like with Adam and Eve, Satan made a way for a gap between God and his people (ultimately by lying to them). God made us for relationships.  "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live in unity."-ps 133:1 We've all grown up with a "best friend" or a group of close friends. It's fun sharing life with those people and you find yourself wanting to be around that person or people all the time because it makes life richer. So why wouldn't Satan attack that part of our life? He wants us to live seperate lives where there is no vulnerability and where its easy to put on a facade when you walk out the front door. He has won when we close ourselves off to others. He has won when we put on our fake face to impress others. Satan does not want us to stand up together, because there is strength in numbers. It is harder for the enemy to bring you down when you are supported by a friend.

"God sets the lonely in families" -Ps 68:6
God does not want you to be alone. It says in his written word that he sets you in a family! But that doesn't necessarily mean that he will physically pick you up and transport you and drop you into a perfect family. He definitely could if he wanted to but...sometimes this loneliness feeling needs to be fought by the one feeling lonely. We need to pick ourselves up and take our eyes off of ourselves and go be a friend to someone else. I was reading today in the Message Bible, Matthew 7:12 "Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the iniative and do it for them..." We got to get out of ourselves and go help the ones who are truly lonely. We have to remember in the darkness of feeling alone that, "its not about me!" We have the power within us to rise up against the enemies lies. God lives within us therefore we have the power to say no to the lies and yes to the truth! This is one thing that God has been teaching me since I've been in high school. I need to go and be a friend to someone, not complain and feel bad for myself that no one is being a friend to me. Unfortunately, I still learn that lesson from time to time. But let's be to others what we want them to be to us. What a revolution for relationships in this world if we were to help others, the way we would want to be helped. The Word is so rich with relevant truth for today!
 Proverbs 11:25 says, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
Thats some good stuff right there!
In our loneliness, let's be generous! It almost doesn't make sense but God's word is true and he keeps his promises. If we step out of our lonely mentality of thinking and give to someone else we will be refreshed. I don't know about you but I love that feeling of refreshed!

God wants YOU to know that YOU are NOT alone!

33 weeks and counting!

Yes, it has been quite some time since I've been able to post! It has been a fiasco trying to get hooked up to our wireless internet in our new place. So I am thankful that we finally have wireless internet...oh first world problems right?

We got another ultrasound today, which is always amazing to me. It's crazy that there is a little being stuffed inside my belly. And man is he stuffed!!! He weighs slightly under 5lbs. Talk about a chunker!!! We got to see his face...kind of...on the 3D ultrasound, I think him and Micah will look alot alike. The ultrasound predicted that my due date will be July 31st, instead of the original predicted date of August 3rd. Praise Jesus for that! Time is going by fast, as always! I look at Micah when he is running around like a crazy man and think, oh my goodness...there is going to be two of them!!! But by God's grace I'll be able to raise these little guys! I don't know how its going to work out but it WILL work out!

Being at home with Micah has been the transistion of a lifetime. I am becoming a different person, in a good way, I really feel myself stepping into a Mother's role. I don't think I am like most moms and sometimes I get insecure about that but I am confident in how God wants us to raise these little guys. We are super laid back with Micah, in the way of letting him figure out how things work...like gravity. This little boy always has bumps and bruises. He has learned the art of falling, he knows how to lift his head up when he falls on the ground so his head won't hit. So smart this kid! I was shopping at my favorite store, TJ Maxx when I, the defiant to rules mommy was letting Micah play in the bigger area of the shopping cart. No he was not buckled in the top part of the basket facing me, with his legs through the holes. He was standing up, cart surfing and pulling clothes to his face. He reached out for a dress and stumbled a bit...believe me this kid was not going to fall out but the lady in the aisle gasped with horror as she thought he was going to plunge to his death. She kept gasping as he was falling and getting back up within the basket. Oh man, I thought she was going to call CPS on me! Sometimes I think people see us and think we are crazy or too laid back, but then I think about it and I love watching Micah figure out how to do things on his own. I won't always be able to be there for him. He has a healthy independence about him and I like that. I don't want to be a helicopter parent but I am sure there are ways we are. He is such a smart little guy, who loves to figure out how mommy and daddy do things around the house.

My prayer for Joshua is that we would not compare him to Micah. We love Micah so much and think the world of him, of course we think he is super smart and super cute. He definitely is a fast learner and has met milestones a little earlier then the average. But Joshua could have a totally different temperment and personality. And I don't ever want to speak bad things over him, I don't ever want him to feel like his older brother is better then him in anyway. Joshua will be such an amazing man of God and will be different then Micah. They both have a high calling on their lives and I need to remember that while I change poopy diapers, listening to crying and go crazy from not sleeping very much.

Raising Micah has showed me that I had so much more capacity for selflessness. And now with Joshua soon to make his arrival, I am sure there is a whole other level for selflessness that I will have to make room for.

Micah's 1st Bday!*

A couple of weeks have past since Micah's 1st birthday. I still can't believe he is 1 years old and only getting older! He is such a blessing to me and even though there are times where the child drives me nuts, I can't wait til he wakes up in the morning so we can hangout. He is my little buddy. His determined little personality comes alive each day. And he can't get enough electronics and mechanical things...he will sit for a while trying to figure out how things fit together and come undone. I know every mom says this about her child, but he really is smart! :)
We had so much fun celebrating our little boy on his birthday. Daddy made some bbq chicken and we had our first official get together in our new house. Of course he got tons of presents and he tried some cake. Because he is a boy, and a rough one at that, he had a black eye on his birthday and a matching scratch across his cheek (made for some sweet pics). Two days later after his bday he touched my hair straightener while it was cooling off, so he had a nice 2nd degree blister on his thumb to go with his black eye and scratched face. I didn't want to take him anywhere because I was afraid someone might call CPS on me.
I love that little guy with my whole heart. And I can't wait til his brother comes along in late July/early August. They will be two peas in a pod, getting in trouble together and being crazy boys! Micah will be such a great big brother!

 getting hair done by daddy...he cut his hair a few days earlier!

 Probably the coolest present he got...lil powerwheels from auntie larissa..he rides the thing everywhere except he doesn't know how to turn, so he runs into the walls all the time!

The day we brought him home from the hospital...I can't believe he used to be this small...now he is my big 1 yr old monster!!! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICAH LEE!!!



Baby No. 2*

I am already 18 weeks along! My belly is out for the world to see, that is for sure. And it feels like it happened over night! I looked down the other mornning and I was like dang that belly is big! Such great news for this little one...We went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and there is no more blood!!! wooo whoooo praise Jesus!!! Everything is "normal" and there isn't any risks with the blood sac that was there. I fully believe Jesus healed my body! What was interesting though is that the doctor said that it looks like a boy...because he saw a "little something" down there as he was looking at the ultrasound. Which took me way off guard because I really thought that we were having a girl. Still in the back of my mind, I think that we still may have a girl. I have heard stories of women thinking they were going to have a boy and then it really was a foot or thumb in the way during the ultra sound. So we will see!!! Either way, if it is a girl or a boy we will be excited. A boy would be fun for Micah, to have a brother so close in age! But if its a girl I think they would have a special relationship as well. Our next appointment is with a specialist on March 12th so they might have a clearer ultrasound. :)

Micah is taking steps!!! He actually started taking steps just before he turned 10 months old. He isn't quite walking around yet but he takes a lot of steps then gets so excited he falls over. It is pretty much the cutest thing ever!!! His front two teeth are in and he has a little gap between them...it makes me melt when he smiles. He does a chinese squinty eye smile at me, just like his dad! I love staying home with him. He really lights up my world...even though there are times where he drives me nuts!

Our new casa is still well underway. We painted ever inch of that house!!! My body was so tired from painting like 4 days in a row! My parents have been such a big help! I told them I owe them dinner for the rest of their lives. I feel so blessed to have such amazing parents. I have been learning more about how God wants to lavish blessings on me because he loves me through my parents being such a big help. We are almost ready to move in but not quite yet. We are waiting for granite countertops to be installed this week. The new carpet gets installed on tuesday. We are tiling the kitchen and bathroom floor, putting in awesome backsplash in the kitchen and staining the cabinets. We gotta slap on some baseboard and then we are ready to move on in! Seems like a lot but this list is short compared to what we have already done in that house! I can't wait to have a big party and have our own place to call home. We will make memories there as a family and Micah and the new baby will grow up there. I seriously feel so blessed!

here is some progress on the house:

Before:back living room looking into kitchen

Before:dining room looking into back living room

After: back living room

Before: kitchen looking from back living room

In progress: the cabinets are stained ebony



After: front living room

I haven't gotten pictures of the house painted yet. But it already looks like a different house with color on the walls! :)
Thank you Jesus for a sweet home! I think its safe to say that He loves me...

The role of Stay @ home Mommy*

I really was nervous coming into this new role of full time mommy. Well, I was always a full time mommy before but I worked part time...even though it felt like full time. Working did not allow me to be with Micah as much as I would like to be. I only would see him in the morning while I was getting ready for work then when I got home it was dinner time, bath time, a little play time and then off to bed, with occasional 4am wake ups. Before Micah was born Shelden and I went to a youth conference as leaders and God spoke very clear to me. First he told me Micah was a boy....then he slipped in there that he is going to be a pastor. A couple of nights later I was praying and God said he wanted me to bury my heart in being a mommy. Being a stay at home mom was something I desired but nothing I was too passionate about. I grew up going to daycare and after school care. I was used to being taken care of by other people while my parents worked, and they did a great job of making sure to spend quality time with me. We have a great relationship now and because of that I never thought of staying home as a must. So Micah was born and I was hoping there was going to be a way where I could quit while I was on maternity leave but it didn't happen. Off to work I went, while he was taken care of by Shelden's mom. We are definitely grateful for that!!! But it was hard to drop him off and let someone else raise him. Finally we came to a point where we entertained the idea of me staying home with the little guy. Shelden told me that I had to be positive that this is what God wanted as it would be tight with only one income. So I pushed it off a little more and God blessed us with a house! :) We are not quite moved in yet...but that's a whole other blog post!
Talking to a dear friend of mine one night, we were talking about some decisions she was making in her life and how God hadn't said yes or no but she knew she just needed to move in faith. And so I shared with her that I didn't have enough faith to stay home with Micah and only live off of one income. There it was...I said it out loud. Once I said it, I kinda thought umm...looks like you've found your answer! So I started to wrestle back and forth with what God really wanted. I talked to our pastor's wife and she said, well going off of what God said to you and you knowing you don't have enough faith...it seems pretty clear what you need to do. So I talked to Shelden that night and he was totally on board with no hesitations.

So here I am first week down: I am definitely tired, especially with the new baby on its way and I am the happiest I have ever been. This little guy is a handful and he has a "D" personality for sure, he is Mr. independent with eating his food. He won't really take spoon fed food because he wants to pick it up with his hands. He is almost walking but for now he is a super fast bear crawler. I love all the smiles he gives me and I love making him crack up when I eat his belly. I do find it hard to keep my patience when he is fussy and fighting to the death to not take a nap but once he wakes up, his playfulness wipes my memory away of fussy monster man. I am proud to be his mommy and I am glad that I get to take care of him everyday. He drives me crazy sometimes but I know that he will fulfill his God set destiny if I obey God at how to be his mom, in that particular moment.

I want to be a purposeful mom in how I train him. I want to raise him to love God and love people. I know I have my work cut out for me but this is what God intended when he made me a mommy.

 Micah acting silly while he eats lunch

 notice all his choices of fingerfoods...

Dr's Visit*

Yesterday we went in for another Dr's appointment. I was super excited because I thought for sure this blood thing was going to be gone or significantly smaller...I had my hopes up high! They did another ultrasound and the Dr didn't seem impressed. The baby looked great but there was blood throughout the whole picture. The baby is inside the placenta and the placenta is attached to the uterus, wherever the placenta wasn't attached, there was blood. It was a little concerning to me to say the least, especially going into the appointment thinking this was going to be done and over with. The Dr said he is going to refer me to a specialist and to keep taking it easy. He said that we could still loose the baby but that he was optimistic about it. I am back at work now, but my job doesn't consist of alot of walking around. I sit and give people money with occasional trips to the bathroom. The Dr said that working won't do any harm. He also said that this is out of our control and if we happen to loose the baby it is nothing that I have done wrong. There is nothing that I can or can't do to make this situation better or worse. We left the office and we got in the car...I started to cry because I felt so confused. I was so sure of myself that I would be able to get my "normal" life back, with no restrictions and a "normal" pregnancy.
I am grateful that everything is great with the baby. There is no abnormalities and her heartbeat is strong. We went back home and thankfully big brother feel asleep, so Shelden listened to my concerns and my thoughts, we put on some worship and a peace did come. I realized yesterday that I haven't allowed myself to become emotionally attached to this new little baby growing inside of me. I don't want to get hurt and I am living as if the worst is going to happen. Unfortunately, I am really good at guarding my heart in all types of relationships...so this situation is no different. I was able to talk to our Pastor's wife...who last year had to deal with her baby pass away at only 6 months old. She is wise at a young age and understands the frustration and confusion I have been feeling. She asked me if I was allowing myself to be emotionally attached to this baby and if I am guarding myself from getting hurt. I admitted it out loud that I am guarding my heart. She challenged me to be vulnerable to getting hurt and loving this little baby growing inside of me. She said I would be robbing myself of something if I don't let myself be vulnerable no matter the outcome. God has something greater than me in all of this.
Reading Hebrews 11...the famous "faith" chapter. "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." (v.13) They saw the greater purpose even though it meant they didn't get to see it come about.  If that's not glorifying to God, I don't know what is. It didn't make sense back then, in the moment for Noah to build an ark when there has never been rain. In the moment, it never really makes sense, except for because that would mean obedience to God.
I have to keep my head up, not hiding my emotions in pride but in humble acceptance of this is what God is doing in our lives. I can't see the purpose but my obedience will affect the next generation. And that is the faith that God wants me to have.

Half*Marathon!

This weekend was the World Vision half marathon. I did not get to run but I was so proud of my hubby and my dad as they finished strong! We went to a team dinner on Saturday night before the race, we got to hear from Lopez Lamong who is an olympic gold medalist. He represented the USA in the 1500 meter run. So he is pretty dang fast. He is actually from Sudan and was captured to be a child solider when he was only 6 years old. He says that it was only by God that he was able to escape with a couple of other boys to a refugee camp. He thought that he was going to live the rest of his life there but an American schooling program came and picked him to come to the US among some other boys. He realized that he loved running and his story goes on from there. He now is an advocate for South Sudan which is the newest country on the planet. He totally loves Jesus and his obedience is humbling. He ran with the rest of the World Vision team even though long distance isn't his thing. It was cool to hear a present time story of God using the weak to do His work. God is using someone who could have been killed by the LRA or left to die in a refugee camp. But instead because of Lopez's obedience, he will have a huge impact on the start of a new country....that desperately needs Jesus.
Overall there was over 700 people running this half marathon with World Vision. The team as a whole raised over $350,000 dollars!!! That is clean water FOR LIFE for 7,000 kids!!! FOR LIFE!!! It was emotional hearing the number and how so many people here in the states would go through physical straining to help people they will never meet.
I am so proud of my husband and my dad! They did such a great job! Shelden ran in 1 hour and 59 minutes...not bad for someone who barely trained! He is a natural runner for sure! And my dad ran in 2 hours and 12 minutes! He beat his estimated time of 2 hours and 30 minutes so we are super proud of him!
Unfortunately, me and my mom didn't get to see them cross the finish line! Big time bummer!!! We found out from other spectators that they changed the race course last minute. Instead of the racing ending in a walking distance from the starting point, it ended up being 8 miles away! We sat at a corner with other fans that claimed there was supposed to be a bus coming to get us and take us to the finish line...we sat there....and sat there...and sat there...freezing!!! I thought to myself, I am tired of waiting, we got to drive there! So I convinced my mom into us driving there and figuring out how to get there...we got there, finally found parking and walked as fast as we could to that finish line. A couple of minutes later there was Shelden hanging out....okay obviously we missed him coming in but dad still had to be out there. So we waited and waited and Shelden finally found him...he was finished running and looking for us! Me and my mom were bummed that we couldn't cheer them on as they finished but we were very proud of them!!! Such a great experience!


If you want to know more about World Vision and how they are changing lives all over the world you can visit their website at worldvision.org

Before the race...

 Shelden always in a good mood....

So stinkin' proud of this man!

Good News*

Last week I had a follow up appointment to check on the size of this bloodsac that has changed my "normal" life. Praise Jesus its SMALLER!!!! The doctor seemed happy to see that the sac was significantly smaller. He measured it and said that it was 30% smaller than the last appointment we had with him. I was so happy and thankful that everything was fine. Things are looking up and we are heading the normal pregnancy lane. The sac should keep getting smaller and smaller til it is no more and then it is a normal pregnancy. It's always amazing to see the little baby on the screen. She looked bigger! (I still think it's a girl, but I will feel pretty bad if it is a boy...we shall see!)
I still have to "take it easy" and not work, or lift heavy things or do anything I don't necessarily have to do. This "taking it easy" thing has been the hardest part for me. I have learned that I identify myself with doing things and getting tasks done. So not doing anything really at all has been very difficult for me. Yes, I do little things here and there. I get to take care of Micah some days but I get a lot help from both grandmas. (which I am very grateful for!) But I find myself feeling useless and purposeless. I know in my mind that is not true but because I identify myself with "doing things", not doing anything feels like I don't know who I am anymore. It is humbling to come back to this fact over and over again. I just can't quite understand who I am in Christ. It is going to take a whole lot of learning over the years! But I know that this time off from work and doing too much is a good time to just sit back and be reminded of why I am here on this earth. I am here to glorify God in all I do, even if that means sitting here.
One thing that I have to keep remembering is that there is a little baby in my belly. And by me sitting here and stopping my "normal" life, I am doing what I should be doing for this little one. I do find peace in knowing that this baby will be healthy and have a full life...and it starts from me doing absolutely nothing. :)
God is totally awesome and powerful!